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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people believe that government should take the responsiblity of aged people while others believe that its individual responsibility. discuss both the views and opinion

#people #government #responsiblity #responsibility
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Taking
care
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 of the elderly population is important as they spent their
lifetime
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life
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 serving the country and family. Some people believe that it is the
responsibility
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 of the
government
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 while others believe that
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 should be taken
care
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 of by individuals.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that taking
care
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 of elders is the
responsibility
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 of both parties and in
this
Linking Words
 ,
essay
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an essay
the essay
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 I will discuss both views.
Firstly
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, when we were children our
parents
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 and grandparents worked hard to provide us with food, shelter and protection.
For instance
Linking Words
, I can remember my father working continuously for days in order to provide food on the table and my mother working really hard managing the housework and business.
Parents
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also
Linking Words
 go above and beyond to provide a good education for their children.
Thus
Linking Words
 it is the
responsibility
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 of the family members to
care
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of
Change preposition
for
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 the
parents
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 when they become older.
On the other hand
Linking Words
. it is
also
Linking Words
 the
responsibility
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 of the
government
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 to take of the elderly population since most of them when they were young worked in
the
Remove the article
apply
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either the private or public sector. Despite the job all the employees have to pay the
government
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 which they earn millions. So when they become older the
government
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 should either help them financially or give them free or discounted medical facilities. For exemplify, Sri Lanka has
Add an article
a
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general hospital and they
also
Linking Words
 provide five per cent off on medical bills for those who are above fifty-five years old.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some children will not be financially stable to
care
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 for their elderly
parents
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. At
such
Linking Words
 times
government
Use synonyms
 authorities should step in and take
care
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 of them. In conclusion, I believe that both individuals and
government
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 should take
care
Use synonyms
 of the elderly population equally.
Submitted by Chathusizzie on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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