All students should study art and music in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #study #art #music #school

Art

and

music

have always played an important role in our society. But many people posed

Correct article usage

the

show examples

question

why

Change preposition

about why

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we have to spend time teaching these subjects at

school

. In

this

essay, I will elaborate

why

Change preposition

on why

show examples

I agree that the subjects should

be include

Change the verb form

be included

show examples

curriculum

Add an article

the curriculum

show examples

To begin

with, I believe that both

art

and

music

strongly contribute to

ability

Add an article

the ability

show examples

of children to be creative.

These two course

Change the determiner

This two course

These two courses

show examples

able

Add a missing verb

are able

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to shape children’s

brain

Fix the agreement mistake

brains

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and

allowed

Wrong verb form

allow

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them to think outside of the box. During

art

and

music

class,

for example

, children are usually asked to invent something new.

Therefore

, It forces their brain to think and come up with new ideas. As you can see, these

classes

create opportunities for youngsters to think apart from maths and science.

Moreover

music

classes

should be mandatory because they provide

students

with a chance to discover unknown talents. Since

students

spend most of their time at

school

learning traditional subjects like math and science,

students

who have artistic talent may not have a chance to discover

this

ability. In

this

respect, making

music

classes

compulsory will ensure that

students

receive a well-rounded education that prepares them for their future.

Therefore

, even if

students

do not have artistic talent, participating in

music

classes

in high

school

should be required. In conclusion, it is undeniable that

art

and

music

classes

are still essential nowadays and should be included in

the

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apply

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school

because they have significant benefits both in

term

Fix the agreement mistake

terms

show examples

of creativity and exploring themselves, which will positively

effects

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effect

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their future life.

Submitted by viewvry on Sat Jul 09 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

255 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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All students should study art and music in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good?

Food travels thousands of miles from farmers to consumers. Some people think that it would be better for our environment and economy if people consumed locally produced foods. To what extent do the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, mainly tourists, but not local people, visit museums and historical sites. Why does this happen? What can be done to attract more local people to visit places?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answeers and include relevant examples from your own knowlwdge or experience.