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Writing Samples
Band 6

As the debate over whether school uniforms should be compulsory gets intense, it has become a matter of concern whether people should stick to this traditional way of uniforms or seek alternative solutions.

#debate #school #uniforms #matter #concern #people #alternative
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As the debate over whether
school
uniforms
 should be compulsory gets intense, it has become a matter of concern whether people should stick to
this
 traditional way of
uniforms
 or seek alternative solutions. Some people argue that
school
uniforms
 promote unity and discipline among
students
.
However
, I strongly disagree with
this
 opinion.
This
 essay will discuss why
school
uniforms
 should not be compulsory, pointing out their negative effects on
students
' comfort,
quality
, expense,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.
To begin
 with, there is
a powerful evidence
Remove the article
powerful evidence
a piece of powerful evidence
a shred of powerful evidence
show examples
 that
school
uniforms
 are often uncomfortable and impractical for
students
. The
uniforms
 are typically badly designed, disregarding the preferences of
students
. To be more precise, many
students
 find themselves controlled and restricted by
ridicilous
Correct your spelling
ridiculous
uniform
 policies, leading to
discomfort
 and even physical
discomfort
 throughout the
school
 day.
For instance
, a recent report generated by the National
School
 Organization in 2020 has suggested that a significant portion of
students
 experience
discomfort
 and distraction
due to
school
uniforms
.
Therefore
, it is certainly the case that compulsory
uniforms
 can negatively impact
students
' well-being and academic performance. Another point to consider is that
school
uniforms
 often suffer from low
quality
,
further
 worsening
students
'
discomfort
 and dissatisfaction.
This
 is
largely
Replace the adverb
large
show examples
 because
uniform
 suppliers prioritize
cost effectiveness
Add a hyphen
cost-effectiveness
show examples
 over durability and comfort.
For example
,
according to
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
extensive research conducted by Client Reports in the year 2019, many
school
uniforms
 were found to be of low
quality
, prone to tearing and fading after minimal use.
As a result
,
students
 and their families are troubled with the expense of replacing
uniforms
 frequently, adding to the financial strain of education.
Additionally
, the lack of choice in
uniform
 selection keeps
students
 from the opportunity to express their individuality and personal style,
further
 diminishing their sense of self-esteem and belonging. From the arguments and examples given, I personally believe that compulsory
school
uniforms
 are harmful to
students
' well-being and academic experience. There is no doubt that they contribute to
discomfort
, low
quality
, expense, and a loss of individuality among
students
. It is predicted that most likely more schools will reconsider their
uniform
 policies in the future, prioritizing the comfort and autonomy of their
students
.
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task achievement
Your essay is quite clear and contains well-developed ideas. However, try to avoid repetitive phrases and ensure that each sentence adds new information or perspective to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay careful attention to the correct use of articles ('a', 'an', and 'the'). Incorrect usage can slightly distract the reader even if the overall meaning is clear.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have used relevant and specific examples to support your points, which enhances the credibility of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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