IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #government #art #culture #activities #population
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some societies think that
government
Use synonyms
 grants must not be used for encouraging art and culture, whilst other
people
Use synonyms
 feel more emphasis on cultural exercise
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 advantageous for the country's
people
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 culture, too. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and give examples.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I will explore the
government
Use synonyms
 funding for art and culture and
Linking Words
secondly
Add a comma
secondly,
show examples
 I will discuss the other view
that
Change preposition
on
show examples
 how cultural activities may be beneficial.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, more spending on art and practice may not seem a great idea because many ethical problems
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to
fix
Wrong verb form
be fixed
show examples
 by the
government
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, support rather than money would make sense and the
people
Use synonyms
 of the province
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be economically safe.
For example
Linking Words
, if the
government
Use synonyms
 spends on unethical matters it could lead to
economically
Change the word
economic
show examples
 low,
Linking Words
consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
show examples
 the general public might suffer.
Further
Linking Words
, the public should not think of present leisure but rather always opt for the future.
In addition
Linking Words
, their children will be safer from the decisions they make now.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
's decisions affect the future growth of the country.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, funding for cultural activities may benefit the
people
Use synonyms
 as they can express themselves in front of the world and
also
Linking Words
 attract tourism which
further
Linking Words
 boosts the economy of the country.
Moreover
Linking Words
, It will generate employment opportunities for the public, which will bring a change in lifestyles.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the public will understand their own cultural system and preserve it for their children and for history. In fact, human beings' evolution has a history which is preserved by our ancestors. In conclusion,
government
Use synonyms
 support in terms of financial aspects may lead to a serious future economic crisis. In my opinion, cultural exercise and arts are both benefiting the economy and will provide a new source of income from tourism.
Submitted by pratikkalmani113 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that the essay addresses the task prompt clearly and fully.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas and use cohesive devices to connect the paragraphs and sentences more effectively.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: