In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, the health issues related to being overweight dramatically increase in adults as well as children. Some people believe that it is the responsibility of the government to reduce and solve these issues. In my opinion, I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
statement.
To begin
Linking Words
with, the overweight and unhealthy lifestyle are related to many bad habits. The family and society should be blamed in the
first
Linking Words
place.
However
Linking Words
, parents should be aware of their children and provide a healthy environment for them,
for example
Linking Words
, by giving them a portion of good
food
Use synonyms
and encouraging them to do physical activities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, family factors
also
Linking Words
have a huge impact on children's overweight. They must be a good role model for their young and join them in their activities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, governments take a part in the responsibility due to a lack of monitoring of the products that are on the market for young people. They have to be more strict and put fines on those who pay for offspring's portions of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the canteen in the school should be monitored by the government and not be allowed to buy snacks that have a lot of fat and hydrogenated oils.
In addition
Linking Words
, healthy
food
Use synonyms
is expensive; poor families cannot afford it, while fast
food
Use synonyms
and unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
are cheap and everywhere. The authorities should regularly finance families who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
not able to provide for their offspring and authorities
instead
Linking Words
of working and introducing new innovations which can enhance the development of the country. To sum up, government and families  have a responsibility for the consequences of  obesity and health issues in the new generations, they have to be more strict about what effect on young.
Submitted by nualmazrui on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: