SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT VIOLENCE ON TELEVISION AND IN COMPUTER GAMES HAS A DAMAGING EFFECT ON SOCIETY. OTHERS DENY THAT THESE FACTORS HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOUR. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION?

It is a known fact that you are what you consume, and there is no doubt that our brains are influenced by what we see on TV and video games. But the question is: to what extent? the argument that violence depicted in drama has a damaging effect on society is a bit of exaggeration. In
this
essay, I will present a balanced view on
this
matter, and explain my personal take afterwards. During my time at medical school, one of my assignments was to debate the psychological effects of video games and TV shows on teenagers'
behavioral
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development, me and my team were assigned to the pro side, and our search results were surprising. Many studies from prestigious institutions highlighted that violent video games can prepare kids for dangerous life situations, help them improve their critical problem-solving skills, and fasten their reflexes time in a seemingly safe environment. So whenever they face a life-threatening event, like a robbery,
for example
, they have some sort of mental readiness to act. The counterargument was that exposure to
such
material can increase the level of anxiety, teenagers who were involved in
such
studies reported higher-than-average nightmares and panic attacks, which required a level of cognitive
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therapy to overcome it. Some teens picked up some bullying tactics, inappropriate slang, and sexual harassment attitudes, trying to simulate the protagonist of their
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crime shows. The conclusion we reached from that debate was that a moderate amount of exposure to violent material is necessary to educate kids about the dangers of the outside world, but it shall be supervised by parents and teachers, and combined with educational sessions about judging these kinds of behaviors, and discussion about how to face it. Ultimately, we won’t bury our heads in the sand, kids shall be aware that there is a level of violence in the world, but it is our role to educate and discipline their actions, rather than blaming the media for their misconduct.
Submitted by maryamansour11 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and transitions smoothly to the next idea. This will strengthen the logical flow of your essay.
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Work on maintaining a formal tone throughout the essay, as occasional informal phrases can reduce the overall formality.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view on the topic, with clear arguments for both sides.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, effectively framing the main points of the discussion.
task achievement
Specific examples from personal experience and studies add depth to your argument, making the points more relatable and credible.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Desensitization
  • Normalization
  • Psychological impact
  • Fear and anxiety
  • Parental control
  • Moderating
  • Fictional vs. real-world violence
  • Counterarguments
  • Correlation
  • Environmental influences
  • Social messages
  • Stress relief
  • Safe outlet
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