IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

many people get little or no exercise either during the working day or i their free time and have health problems as a result. why do many working people not get enough exercise? what can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
individuals
Use synonyms
 do not
exercise
Use synonyms
 enough, so they deal with different diseases.
This
Linking Words
 essay aims to examine the causes of
immobility
Use synonyms
 and suggest how to face them. Three reasons can explain the reason for lack of movement, which is followed by illness. Nowadays, in most works no need for physical activity. Due to massive progression in any field of science, the worker only sit on cheers and via a click on their computer can do any tasks, so they do not have any action or practice by the body to job done.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
enough money and
time
Use synonyms
 force
people
Use synonyms
 to vast their
time
Use synonyms
 to achieve more money. Because of the severe need for more income,
people
Use synonyms
 are forced to do more work and have different jobs to satisfy their needs, so they do not have
time
Use synonyms
 and money to
exercise
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the volume of
people
Use synonyms
's knowledge about the consequences of
immobility
Use synonyms
 leads them to not
exercise
Use synonyms
 even in their free
time
Use synonyms
; due to not having enough reading or beneficence programs,
people
Use synonyms
 do not know about
exercise
Use synonyms
 and its benefits. To resolve the issue, the
government
Use synonyms
 should make a rule to force all employees and staff to
exercise
Use synonyms
. By
this
Linking Words
 rule the average
time
Use synonyms
 of staff which do physical
exercise
Use synonyms
 significantly increased.
Government
Use synonyms
 should allocate enough
time
Use synonyms
 to the work of all working persons to do some light practice in working places, and consider a charge for
people
Use synonyms
 not to do that.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should improve
people
Use synonyms
's financial situation, so
people
Use synonyms
 have more free
time
Use synonyms
 by less working, and can allocate a part of their
time
Use synonyms
 to do different sports activities.
Government
Use synonyms
 can, in different ways create appropriate job opportunities for
individuals
Use synonyms
 to solve
people
Use synonyms
's financial concerns.
Moreover
Linking Words
, informing and making
people
Use synonyms
 aware, can lead
people
Use synonyms
 to do physical activities. If
people
Use synonyms
 know about the benefits of
exercise
Use synonyms
 may stay away from
immobility
Use synonyms
. If they know they can be deterred from most health problems and due to
exercise
Use synonyms
 they can be healthy they do more sports. In conclusion,
immobility
Use synonyms
 is caused by the advancement of science, financial problems, and lack of enough awareness, which makes
individuals
Use synonyms
 not
exercise
Use synonyms
 in their free
time
Use synonyms
. To increase the amount of
exercise
Use synonyms
 in society, the
government
Use synonyms
 should make rules to force
people
Use synonyms
 to do physical activity in their workplaces, improve the general condition of
Use synonyms
people’s
Change noun form
people
show examples
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
, and make
individuals
Use synonyms
 aware of the benefits of sport.
Submitted by moradkhanighane on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: