IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #technology #people #work #workplace #mobility
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In the modern era, the advancement of technology allows people to
work
Use synonyms
 remotely, regardless of working at the offices.
While
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this
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 might
provides
Change the verb form
provide
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 numerous benefits to both employees and employers, there are some hidden drawbacks to online working. In
this
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 essay, both
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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 and cons of working outside the workplace will be presented before my conclusion is reached. On the one hand, remote working is beneficial for employees as they can save a huge amount of salary and time for commuting to the workplace.
For example
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, If I
work
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 from home for a week, I could save 2,300 Baht for gasoline, and 3 hours a day travelling on the road. Not only officers but, the entrepreneurs
also
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 get the advantages from these
due to
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 saving an enormous budget spending on renting offices and paying the electric bills. To illustrate, during the pandemic of Covid - 19, ISUZU,
Japan
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a Japanese
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 car company, saved 50 million baht on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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electric bills
,
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apply
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 and saved the budget for paying workers fo over time working period.
Therefore
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, many companies have decided to continue working from home in spite of the end of
Covid - 19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
.
On the other hand
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, working online can contribute to the loss of the relationship among teamwork as they meet each other via small screens of laptops or smartphones when they have an online conference.
For instance
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, working at the offices, they can have lunch together and spend time doing activities after finishing
work
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.
Consequently
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, the relationship among colleagues will be
more closely
Correct word choice
closer
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 and
this
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 can result in a better working environment.
Moreover
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, many online conferences can contribute to depression as it consumes more energy and concentration to participate in the online meeting via a small screen. In conclusion,
according to
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 the aforementioned paragraphs, I believe that the benefits of technology for remote working definitely outnumber its drawbacks. In order to
work
Use synonyms
 smart, the innovation will consolidate the efficacy and effectiveness of working in the future.
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task response
Expand on the disadvantages of working remotely, such as isolation and lack of supervision. Provide a balanced discussion of both benefits and drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need more development. Provide a brief overview of the main points in the introduction and a strong restatement of the thesis in the conclusion.
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