Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#children #lifestyle #school #parents

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Currently, the youth leads an unhealthy lifestyle

that is

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detrimental to both their physical and mental health and their parents and

this

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must be controlled by their parents and an educational establishment. In

this

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essay, I will either agree or disagree with

this

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statement.

Firstly

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, I will explore the reasons why teenagers lead a sedentary lifestyle and

secondly

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, I will criticize the lack of activity in schools.

To begin

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with, gadgets have fundamentally changed youngsters' activities and the way they

spent

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

their free time.

For example

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, the old generation enjoyed being outside with peers and playing outdoor games,

such

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as hide and

sick

Verb problem

seek out

show examples

or catch-up

due to

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the lack of smartphones.

Nevertheless

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, nowadays young people prefer to stay at home chatting with their friends online or immersing in virtual reality.

As a result

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, they get metabolic disorders and hormonal disruptions. In my opinion,

this

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is a consequence of the negligent attitude of adults who did not pay due attention to children outside the home and found an alternative in the form of an iPhone or a computer.

Furthermore

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, schools devote catastrophically little time to the physical development of learners, which has a negative effect on their upbringing.

Moreover

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, teachers are directly responsible for instilling good habits in a child.

For instance

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, the school system in Germany includes many alternatives for the child, giving him the opportunity to choose the one that suits him.

In contrast

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, third-world countries do not provide these opportunities.

In addition

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, only educational establishments are able to provide a competitive environment for youngsters showing them why sport is so fascinating. In conclusion, from the arguments I have given

above

Add a comma

above,

show examples

I totally agree with the statement that children do not understand how to stay healthy and old people must support them today.

Submitted by ruslanabbosovich on Tue Jul 12 2022

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coherence cohesion

Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, but the development of ideas is somewhat disorganized. Work on connecting your points more logically to improve coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

Your essay partially addresses the task but lacks comprehensive ideas and specific examples to fully support your argument. Focus on providing more detailed and relevant examples to improve task achievement.

15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

294 words

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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

The tourism industry has grown enormously over the last fifty years, and there are few places which are unaffected by it. However, tourism rarely benefits the countries which tourists visit. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Cheaper food is now available because of greater use of fertilizers and improved machinery. This improved production, however, can be harmful to individuals and the community. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? Discuss, including examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Countries with longer working hours enjoy an economic advantage, but they suffer from certain negative social effects, do you agree or disagree?