IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. This has negative effects on family and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#food #effects #society
There is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little room for doubt that
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 sector is
Correct pronoun usage
one on
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the fastest-growing industries
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world.
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
 ,Increasing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 trend
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
rises
Fix the agreement mistake
rise
show examples
 to uniformity
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
food
 group.
Consequently
, domestic meals will be
disapeared
Correct your spelling
disappeared
. So,
It's
Correct your spelling
Its
show examples
 impact on Individuals and
Correct your spelling
community
Correct article usage
the comminity
show examples
comminity
Correct your spelling
community
 remains a source
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 debate.
these
Correct determiner usage
This
show examples
 essay will
eladore
Correct your spelling
elaborate
 on both
Correct your spelling
negative
negotive
Correct article usage
the negotive
show examples
 and positive
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of
food
 globalisation. And argue in
favore
Correct your spelling
favour
 of is negative aspects.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the
one
 hand, fast
food
 is
common
Correct article usage
a common
show examples
cuisin
Correct your spelling
cuisine
 in all
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
. Indeed,
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
is
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 of the
conspicquous
Correct your spelling
conspicuous
elemans
Correct your spelling
elements
 in
27st
Change the ending
27th
show examples
Correct your spelling
century
centry
Correct your spelling
century
.
Thus
,
such
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 are being
consumreed
Correct your spelling
consumed
 by
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
Correct your spelling
globally
globaly
Correct your spelling
globally
. In as much as, Nowadays most of
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 have busy
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
Then
, They really hardly can find the time to save for cooking. They consider fast foods as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
assistance
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 can stop
Correct article usage
the wast
show examples
wast
Correct your spelling
waste
show examples
 of time.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand, the
dominone
Correct your spelling
dominance
dominion
 of
such
 commercial meal certainly have led to
obesiti
Correct your spelling
obesity
, Diabet and other health problems in nations, it is
rootedat
Correct your spelling
rooted
rooted at
, Not only are home meals cooked with fresh ingredients
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 But
also
 They are considerably
sramptios
Correct your spelling
scrumptious
. In my
Correct your spelling
opinion
opion
Correct your spelling
opinion
,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
usage of fast foods should be limited. as
one
 can see many harmful that have been
creating
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
 in these-. Simple due to foods, which are
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 arrival in our
routin
Correct your spelling
routine
. what have been discussed, peopels'daiets are
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 changed, I think these alternatives should be reorganised with useful nutritions. Even if, Individuals cannot make time for cooking.
Through
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my eyes, If
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
 didn't stop, society would be seak and weak.
Submitted by mohaddesehfathollahi1997 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: