IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shops #food #drinks #people’s #health
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It is argued that unhealthy
food
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 and drinks
which
Correct word choice
that
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 damage
people
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’s health should be banned. From my perspective, I partly agree with
this
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 statement and the following essay will discuss both pros and cons. There are some reasons to explain why shops are allowed to sell unhealthy
food
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 and drinks.
To begin
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 with, choosing which kind of diet is a basic human right, so
People
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 can select any
food
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 that they want to consume independently as long as they do not affect others.
Moreover
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, it is unrealistic to prohibit all bad
food
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 to be sold to the customers since there are considerable products
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
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 chemically modified.
Therefore
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, if all the chemical products are abandoned, it might lead to the consequence that
people
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack
of
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apply
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food
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.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 it is not good to limit
people
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’s rights, I believe that the government can control the amount of junk
food
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 and drinks
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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consumed
Add a missing verb
are consumed
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 by the public. By decreasing the consumption of
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
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diet
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diets
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, it might significantly enhance the health of
people
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.
For example
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, if customers can only buy fast
food
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 4 times a month,
people
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 can keep fit and look for healthier products.
In addition
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, partly inhibiting
people
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 to purchase junk
food
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 allows them to save money because of lowering the expenditure on unhealthy goods. In conclusion,
although
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people
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 are allowed to select
food
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 whatever they want, I think that it is better to limit it
by
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to
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 some degree because
people
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 become not only healthier but
also
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 richer.
Submitted by wanchu.nien on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Regulations
  • accountability
  • retailers
  • public health
  • consumer choice
  • diet
  • banning
  • health education
  • awareness campaigns
  • economic impact
  • job losses
  • small businesses
  • complexity
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • quantity consumed
  • individual health conditions
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