IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show changes in the proportion of energy produced from different resources in a country in 1985 and 2003.

The charts below show changes in the proportion of energy produced from different resources in a country in 1985 and 2003.
#show #changes #proportion #energy #resources #country
The two-pie chart
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
 about
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 percentage of
energy
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
generated
Add a missing verb
was generated
show examples
 from different
sources
 in a country
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1985 and 2003. It is noticeable that oil and gas
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
 the most utilized power
sources
 over two periods, but the usage of oil dramatically drop in 2003.
Although
 being the least
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
show examples
 both in 1985 and 2003,
energy
 from other renewable resources increased after 28 years. Between 1985 and 2003, oil
energy
 saw a decreased proportion from about a half proportion to 39% which was still the highest
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
. Move to other unrenewable
energy
, natural gas surprisingly jumped over 10% to 23% in 28 years.
Similarly
, a surge in using coal as a power source occurred
over
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1985 to 2003. Regarding non-polluted
energy
sources
, nuclear was the highest among other renewable resources and hydrogen which was 22% in 1985
then
 fell
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 17% in 2003. Meanwhile, hydrogen usage remained stable for two periods at 4%.
Furthermore
, other renewable resources raised
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 popularity from a
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 4%.
Submitted by damaspandya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, sources with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: