IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

some organisations believe that their employeea shuld dress smartly. Other value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

#organisations #employeea #dress #value #quality #work #appearance
In
this
 era, some companies care about the appearance of their employees and pay incentives and impose deducts for worker's
outfit
Fix the agreement mistake
outfits
show examples
, while,
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
others
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
 companies pay more attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
workers
Change to a genitive case
worker's
workers'
show examples
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
. As far as I concern, both have
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 importance. On one hand,
employee's
Fix the agreement mistake
employees'
show examples
 dress should be fit and formal because they represent their
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 for those who work in
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain businesses that required a good look,
for example
, restaurants and coffee shops.
Moreover
, some employers and recruiters when they want to hire new workers, they mention
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the job description that
this
 vacant needs good look candidate,
therefore
, they consider the value of appearance
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same way they consider the value of experience and skills. While,
this
 issue could be sensitive for some public because they are confused about how human resources departments judge if the candidate's look if it is fit or not, there
vast
Add an article
the vast
show examples
 majority of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
this
 knowledge about the importance of
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 look.
On the other hand
, we see in giants firms that they do care about the qualified and smart workers in
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain jobs that need special skills and more talents,
thus
, they do not pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their appearance,
for instance
, engineers, accountants, technicals, and doctors these careers do not put the look above the quality.
furthermore
, there are many special needs people
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 unique skills and talents that normal people do not have, and
this
 theory is supported by some governments which impose rules that all companies must hire a proportion of special needs people. In conclusion, we must consider both sides and give priority in terms
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the job requirements.
Submitted by abdoo.magicoo on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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