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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some businesses find that their new employees lack in basic interpersonal skills such as lack of ability to work With colleagues as a team. What are the causes and suggest possible solutions

#businesses #employees #lack #skills #ability #work #colleagues #team
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It is argued that new
members
 in the workplace struggle to
work
 as a team. In
this
 essay, I will examine the factors that contribute towards new employees's lack of interpersonal skills and propose some solutions to them. First and foremost, there are a few factors that contribute to the inability of new workers to
work
 as a
group
.
To begin
, they may have never been in the workplace before and it is the first time for them as an employee.
Thus
, they are unusual to
work
 in a
group
 and tend to
work
 as an individual.
For instance
, a fresh graduate used to do tasks
such
 as thesis, homework, and paper on their own when they were in the University.
Moreover
, the bonding between new officers and senior
members
 has not been united which caused a different way to do the task. In order to overcome that case, a few ways can be taken.
Firstly
, new
members
 should receive
teamworkwork
Correct your spelling
teamwork
 training. In
this
 program, they are able to learn from the expert about how to
work
 in a
group
as well as
 get the trainer's experience in the former workplace.
Secondly
, to increase employees' interpersonal skills, it is important to give them a bigger responsibility. The management should believe in new
members
 to be a project leader.
Hence
, they will learn how to manage the tasks, and the stakeholders, and more importantly, they have a chance to connect with each member of the team. In conclusion, the inability to
work
 in a
group
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 new employees is mainly caused by a lack of experience and less connection among peers.
Therefore
, I suggested that the solutions to
this
 problem are to train the expert and to give a real case as a project leader
Submitted by rezaf.permadi on

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detailing examples
Try to expand on your examples to make them more detailed and specific. While it's great that you used an example of a fresh graduate, further detail could help strengthen your argument.
sentence variety
To enhance your essay's effectiveness, consider varying your sentence structures more frequently. This will not only improve readability but also demonstrate a wider range of linguistic skills.
solution development
Ensure a more in-depth development of your solutions. While you've proposed some interesting solutions, delving deeper into how these can be implemented could provide a more rounded argument.
structure
You've done well to structure your essay logically, clearly delineating between causes and solutions, which aids in reader understanding.
introduction and conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, framing your argument and summarizing your points clearly.
use of examples
Your use of an example, although it could be expanded upon, helps to illustrate your point and makes your argument more relatable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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