In recent time economic growth has made some people richer in both developed and developing countries. While studies show that people in developing countries are happier now than before, people in developed countries are no happier than they were before.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nobody can deny the growing economic progress in both developing and developed nations thanks to globalization and the advent of high technology. In recent years,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
living in developing
countries
Use synonyms
are more content with their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
than those in the past,
people
Use synonyms
residing in developed
countries
Use synonyms
cope with the contrary phenomenon. Basically,
there’re
Correct your spelling
there are
show examples
many reasons for
this
Linking Words
phenomenon and we will discuss the issue here. There is no doubt that happiness is the key factor that makes
people
Use synonyms
’s
life
Use synonyms
more valuable. Obviously,
people
Use synonyms
from developing nations, nowadays, can have higher living standards in comparison with their previous dwellers. In these
countries
Use synonyms
, money plays a fundamental role in their daily
life
Use synonyms
. With the rapid development of every
life
Use synonyms
aspect, they strive to attain salary increments or financial rewards that enable them to escape from poverty.
As a result
Linking Words
, they become wealthier and feel happier in their
life
Use synonyms
. It is true that enjoying our lives with our beloved
people
Use synonyms
,
along with
Linking Words
other welfare benefits, appears to be among the great prerequisites for the desired
life
Use synonyms
apart from working and earning a living. Jan-Emmanuel De Neve, Oxford University economist, and WHR collaborator says: “In terms of policy, we always feel that developing for the sake of growth cannot be considered the happiness of mankind." From that perspective, one can figure out
such
Linking Words
valuable lessons about happiness. For one thing, financial adequacy is indispensable. Without money, many
people
Use synonyms
will have to lead a poor
life
Use synonyms
and feel extreme fatigue all the time.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
are often under constant pressure and cannot live happily as their counterparts who remain financially stable. In order to sustain the staff’s lives at the basic level, governments should support them by providing more job opportunities, greater subsidies during difficult times
such
Linking Words
as a global pandemic or economic crisis, or greater grants in case of healthcare issues.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, high competitiveness in the economy and target-related problems in modern society are factors that
people
Use synonyms
are not happy about.
Due to
Linking Words
economic growth,
companies
Use synonyms
have to compete fiercely against each other for the market.
Therefore
Linking Words
, employees are forced to work harder than before so that the company will not be overtaken by other
companies
Use synonyms
in technology, quality, and quantity.
In addition
Linking Words
to the hectic
life
Use synonyms
that they are supposed to lead, their performance at work is frequently assessed to reduce the risk of redundancy if the
companies
Use synonyms
restructure or downsize. To illustrate,
companies
Use synonyms
specializing in technology, and furniture, ... have to regularly update the market situation to attract customers by creating new designs and technologies. When the competition among
companies
Use synonyms
becomes intense, the workers will have to put more effort into their work to get a lot of tasks done.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
poor work-
life
Use synonyms
balance will make
people
Use synonyms
in developed
countries
Use synonyms
no longer as happy as they used to be. All in all,
although
Linking Words
it seems logical to accept certain reasons why more and more
people
Use synonyms
have become materialistic, chasing a rich
life
Use synonyms
without caring about the existing, good things around them, other aspects of
life
Use synonyms
including environmental, social, and welfare issues
also
Linking Words
need to be closely taken notice of to ensure the ultimate sustainability. Human
life
Use synonyms
is limited, what can be better to fulfil personal wishes
as well as
Linking Words
improve our living quality than spending more time for ourselves, travelling, discovering ourselves, nurturing our interests, and taking good care of our health
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
A matter of greater importance is that employers should offer their staff the dramatic availability of opportunities to enjoy their every moment of
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essay Structure
Task response: The essay addresses the prompt but lacks focus and tends to stray off-topic. The response should be more focused on the comparison of happiness levels in developing and developed countries.
Essay Content
Coherence and cohesion: The essay demonstrates a basic logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly presented. Additionally, the essay lacks coherence as it jumps between ideas without clear transitions. To improve, focus on developing a clear introduction, conclusion, and using cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: