IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays children have too much freedom,some people say.To what extent do you agree or disagree.Give your opinion with examples.

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 modern era,
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 are likely to live freely according to their perspective. Few people argue that today's generation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 too much
freedom
Use synonyms
. I partially agree with the given statement. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss
this
Linking Words
 view point of view in detail with relevant ideas and examples
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 advancement of technology youth
are influence
Change the verb form
are influenced
show examples
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
celebrity
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
show examples
 on social media and
also
Linking Words
 admire
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them which are living freely without any restrictions as a consequence
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 no rules and regulations younger crowd wants.
For instance
Linking Words
, teenagers travel to several countries today without any permission
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 are
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 decision taker
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their life due to much
freedom
Use synonyms
 which
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to without experience success
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are few negative results. Much
freedom
Use synonyms
 in life for
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 will change their behaviour towards
parents
Use synonyms
 which is disrespecting
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 identity and
also
Linking Words
 changes to take
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
 path.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 addiction to
Durgs
Correct your spelling
Drugs
, drinking alcohol and smoking which causes serious health issues in future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, youth will make friendship people who have bad circumstances to illustrates, wasting
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount of
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 money on unnecessary things
Conclusion
In conclusion, in my perspective
parents
Use synonyms
 should not neglect their
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 in the view of
freedom
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
, there are few
Correct your spelling
positive
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 merits like following
trend
Add an article
the trend
a trend
show examples
 and
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 drawbacks mainly taking
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
 path
towards
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 drugs and
Correct your spelling
alcoholic
alcholic
Correct your spelling
alcoholic

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: