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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money
Nowadays,
People
 think
money
 is everything, and
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 can be only happy if they earn or have excessive
money
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 we will discuss why
this
 is the case and how
money
 can make
people
 happy
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
also
 there are other
Change the wording
thinks
show examples
think
Correct your spelling
thing
show examples
 in the
world
 that
also
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 happiness to
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
show examples
 life.
To begin
 with, It is
human
Add an article
a human
the human
show examples
 tendency that was inherited from our ancienter, when they are living in
Add an article
a cave
show examples
cave
Fix the agreement mistake
caves
show examples
 to store extra
food
, which can use in
difficult
Add an article
a difficult
show examples
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 to survive. In
Todays
Change to a genitive case
Today's
show examples
 era, enough
food
 is available.
However
, it can bye with
money
, so human's focus was shifted from
food
 to
money
, and now
every
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
one
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 enough
money
 to feed
them self
Correct your spelling
themself
themselves
show examples
, so, they are
hunger
Replace the word
hungry
show examples
 for facilities and entertainment and spend
money
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
In addition
,
People
 will get respect
also
 if they are wealthy.
Although
, we can not deny that, only
money
 can
bye
Correct your spelling
buy
show examples
 happiness. There are
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of other things in
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 that make
one
 happy like
spend
Change the form of the verb
spending
show examples
 time with your feverous
people
,
Correct word choice
and do
show examples
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 community
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
For example
, parents
are feel
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 happy, when their
offspring’s
Change the noun form
offspring
offspring
show examples
give smile and laugh, they forgot everything when
pay
Change the verb form
paying
show examples
 with
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 kids.
Also
 when they spend
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 with their friends and create happy moments.
This
 all thing cannot bye with
money
. In fact, there are many wealthy
people
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
money
 but
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 no friends or kids and feel lonely. To conclude, many
people
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that
money
 can buy happiness
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 today's
world
,
one
 can buy many things with
money
 like
food
, expensive cloth and status in society. But, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 other
Correct your spelling
things
show examples
thinks
Correct your spelling
things
show examples
 in
world
Add an article
the world
a world
show examples
 that can give make you happy when you spend with your
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
one
.
Submitted by nic86 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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