IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that all lawbreakers should be put into prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #lawbreakers #prison #alternatives
In
this
 ,Era we see lots of violations happening all over the world, petty or serious offences. Some People believe everyone who commits a felony should get a jail sentence, while other argues there are many other opportunities we can pursue.
This
 essay agrees on alternative ways for offenders to better themselves. It is a must that
convicts
 should be sentenced to prison. But, not all
convicts
 who have a charge commit a serious felony some of them are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
petty felonies.
Therefore
 sentencing them to solitary is not just and they can be more helpful in other ways.
For instance
, They can participate in community work and help the elderly and less fortunate to redeem themselves.
However
, many people argue whatever the crime is everyone should be prosecuted severely only
then
convicts
 will be disciplined. But, I advise
otherwise
. prosecuting
inmate
Fix the agreement mistake
inmates
show examples
 who did minor crimes with severe sentences will affect them both mentally and physically.
However
, for these ,
convicts
 they can be more beneficial in helping out in community services and they can realize the rewards of hard work and never will they think about committing
violation
Add an article
the violation
a violation
show examples
. In conclusion, Prisoners helping out in the community will help them to redeem themselves and become
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
However
, not all inmates will come into
this
 category only the inmate who had a lesser crime.
Submitted by bladtherf on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: