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Band 5.5

In many countries today, major cities have become too big and overcrowded. Why is this? What measures could be taken to reduce this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #cities #measures
One of the paramount contentious issues today relates to the overcrowding of cosmopolitan
cities
. In
this
 essay, the causes of overcrowding in the big
cities
 will be proffered by me, and I will
also
 explicate
upon
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the remedies, reaching a reasoned conclusion. Overcrowding of the monumental
cities
 can be caused by myriads of factors. Political instability,
and or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
insurgency in certain areas, lack of good
jobs
 in the countryside, and educational tourism are some of the reasons why
cities
 can become overcrowded.
For instance
, when there is political instability and insurgency,
people
 migrate to
cities
 that are safe;
thus
, leading to overcrowding of
such
cities
.
Furthermore
, most
people
 will prefer to travel to
cities
 where there are
Add a hyphen
state-of-the-art
show examples
state-of the-art
Add a hyphen
state-of-the-art
show examples
 facilities to obtain
quality
Add an article
a quality
show examples
 education.
Thus
, all these reasons contribute to the overcrowding of big
cities
, that have excellent facilities and good
jobs
.
However
, there are some solutions to these problems.
Firstly
, since education is a cynosure to a successful economy, there should be more funds apportioned for education in rural areas. In fact, every effort should be made by the government to provide
up to date
Add a hyphen
up-to-date
show examples
 facilities in all schools. By doing so, educational tourism can be minimized.
Secondly
, a large number of
jobs
 can be provided to the youth by shifting the focus on
production
Add an article
the production
show examples
 of goods rather than importation.
This
 will increase the number of industries in remote areas where
people
 can be employed.
Besides
, in order to
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 insurgency, leaders should ensure they fulfil their campaign promises, and place priorities on the needs of the
people
;
this
 in turn will prevent conflicts that may brew from remonstration. After having elucidated the pertinent points of
this
 issue, I opine that migration caused by political instability, lack of good
jobs
, and educational tourism, are some of the main reasons why
cities
 can become overcrowded, and
this
 problem can be solved by good governance.
Submitted by kheparsahil22 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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