IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. To what extent do you agree !

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It is argued that information about culture and
history
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 is being presented vastly on the internet, underestimating the function of
museums
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 and some think that
museums
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 are irrelevant. In my view, I totally disagree with
this
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 opinion.
To begin
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 with,
museums
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 are places for historical
artifacts
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artefacts
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 and masterpieces. Being able to observe actual things is far
more
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apply
show examples
greater than looking at the Internet.
In addition
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, audiences are able to touch and feel great pieces at the same time
that
Correct word choice
and
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 the feeling helps to understand the worth and
history
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 behind them, giving another kind of experience. A good example of
that is
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 some schools provide free shuttle buses for students to visit the war museum during the historical journey to cultivate their patriotism and solidarity by watching the past pictures of wars and historical pieces.
Therefore
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, students might have an insight into the country’s
history
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,
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apply
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and appreciate the freedom that they are enjoying today.
Additionally
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,
museums
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 bring in financial benefits by attracting
oversea
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overseas
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 tourists
over
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all over
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 the world. From that, they contribute to the development of the tourism sector of the country and help the government to maintain historical buildings and statues by collecting fees from customers.
Furthermore
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, the surrounding places like restaurants, cafes and souvenir shops benefit from
museums
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by
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of
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 the traffic.
This
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 is particularly the case for
oversea
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overseas
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 visitors, who are able to find good
foods
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food
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nearby
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near
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 the
museums
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 easily, boosting the local economy
due to
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 the traffic it generates. In short, I advocate that
although
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 we can easily find
culture
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cultural
show examples
 and
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history
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historical
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 information on the internet, the function of
museums
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 is unreplaceable
due to
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 its great benefits in terms of economy and education.

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task response
Task Response: You have maintained a clear position throughout the essay and provided relevant examples to support your arguments. However, ensure that you address all aspects of the prompt by considering potential counterarguments and addressing them.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of your essay is generally good, with clear progression from one point to the next. However, make sure to include a more comprehensive introduction and conclusion that clearly restate your position. Additionally, use transition words and phrases to improve the overall coherence of the essay.
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