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Band 4.5

Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#events #football #world #cup #occasions #tensions #emotions
One of the keys to lightening up international tensions as well as releasing patriotic emotions in
the
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a
show examples
 safe way is to conduct favourable programs,
for
example
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,example
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 World Cup and other international sporting occasions. Even though there are many good reasons to hold big
sport
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sports
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events
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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there is
also
 the negative effect when
people
 become too attached to their favourites, so some
people
 hate
this
 kind of
events
Fix the agreement mistake
event
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. Here are the reasons why. By holding large sporting
events
 whether it is on international, national, or on any level
people
 will have a place to share their minds and feelings on which
favourite
team
 they would like to support. Some teams are the representative
for
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of
show examples
 their country or region so it is normal to assume that the teams are the hero of their country or region. The tendency to feel
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
patriotic emotions is unlikely not
on
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at
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the
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its
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 peak. On top of that,
people
 tend to make a stronghold community and
generally
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,generally
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people
 are usually divided into two opposite sides. Most of the time many
people
 will have a strong bond on to which side they prefer. They will cherish
on
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apply
show examples
their
favourite
team
,
following
Wrong verb form
follow
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 every news about them, promote them,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 send some
gift
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gifts
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 whether the
team
 is winning the game or not.
However
, the bad news is sometimes there are some
people
 who like to destroy some public facilities should their
favourite
team
 lose the game. They are the
people
 who love their dearest
team
 so much to the point they are willing to do everything. They believe that their
team
 is the best among others. So, if their
favourite
team
 loses, they
likely
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are likely
show examples
 to presume that the other parties are cheating. They often attack physically or bully
people
 who are not on their side and those who have
different
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a different
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opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
. There were even some controversial incidents caused by these
people
, just like how Malaysia and
Indonesia
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Indonesia's
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 rivalry cannot seem to go down. The hatred is going too far. Even more, there were fans who died
on
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in
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 the sporting competition because of the chaotic masses. In conclusion, I agree with the event organizer who
host
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hosts
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 the mega sporting
events
 in
the
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an
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 orderly manner. Unfortunately, if they cannot efficiently host the
events
 and
unable
Add a missing verb
are unable
show examples
control
Fix the infinitive
to control
show examples
 the masses that caused some ruckus, I have to disagree with the enforcement of the sporting
events
.
Submitted by serlyayus on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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