IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

People shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than other factors. To what extend do you agree or disagree ?-

#people #habits #age #group #factors
Nowadays,different generation has a variety of shopping
habits
,
thus
 the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of
people
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
one
 of the most important factors.
However
 many other parameters are important too.
Firstly
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 the young generation including teenagers are
one
 of the most major customers for the producers because they buy the
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 and services due to want not by needs. In, fact whenever the reason for purchasing
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from wanting the shopping
habits
 and period of that going up because they would follow their hearts and these kinds of bunches have more emotional support during the shopping.
then
 whenever the control of mind
reduced
Add a missing verb
is reduced
show examples
, they would expend more wageage for some
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 they don't need seriously.
In addition
, another subject that different age
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
groups has different
habits
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
due to their capability and knowing the worth of
money
. so going to market and spending
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of
money
 needs lots of amounts
then
 according to the incomes
people
 of the asset they would able to purchase more.
On the other hand
, whenever a person earns
money
 by working they would understand the value of any cents
then
 the majority of these kinds of
people
 have more control over all the single Dollars. and
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 subjects come from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
people
 and in comparing
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
adults
Fix the agreement mistake
adult
show examples
 with a teenager would recognize who has more attention for calculation about expenses and
habits
 of buying. In ,conclusion age could be
one
 of the major factors for purchasing
habits
, in
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand rational or emotional behaviour could affect to
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 of
people
 and
on the other hand
 recognition of the worth of
money
 could affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
purchasing
habits
.
Submitted by hamidrezadehghani1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption patterns
  • digital natives
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar stores
  • target demographic
  • disposable income
  • consumer behavior
  • market segmentation
  • purchasing power
  • retail therapy
  • brand loyalty
  • impulse buying
  • price-sensitive
  • cross-generational
What to do next:
Look at other essays: