Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic?

Nowadays obesity is a big issue and
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
to be
tackle
Wrong verb form
tackled
show examples
strongly by our healthcare system. Among new
generations
Add a comma
,generations
show examples
this
phenomenon is spreading fast and in twenty years the death
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
cardiovascular or endocrinological diseases, due to obesity, will be doubled. There are several reasons that can explain
this
problem, but I think that the main one is evolution.
Firstly
, our bodies were created to endure in
terrible
Add an article
a terrible
show examples
starving
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
, in
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
we are able to survive with only 1000
calories
per day.
However
, thanks to evolution, in western countries, we do not have
this
problem anymore,
actually
Add a comma
,actually
show examples
some
people
eat more than 3000
calories
per day.
For example
, going to
McDonald
Change noun form
McDonald's
show examples
will increase our caloric intake up to 3500-4000
calories
, and
this
would be fine if we exercised like olympian sportsmen. In fact, we do not move anymore,
this
thanks
Add a missing verb
is thanks
show examples
to cars and buses that made our lives easier and decreased our occasions to burn
calories
. The solutions to obesity
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
not easy and straightforward, since there are a lot of reasons why
people
eat, sometimes it is for depression, others for trauma, but mainly it is just for boredom. One way to tackle
this
problem is knowledge, in
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
it was proven that the majority of
people
do not know the risks of a diet full of saturated fats and sugar.
For instance
, doctors should advertise more
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
consequences of food in our daily life and should let their patients know the risk they are undertaking. In the end, we will find ourselves with a generation of obese
people
, that will decrease our life
expenctancy
Correct your spelling
expectancy
and die
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
totally avoidable diseases. Knowledge is the key, but you can not change
if
Correct pronoun usage
it if
show examples
you do not want to.
Submitted by giulia.piacentini1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: