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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that the government should continuously support the development of arts. Others believe that the money can be well spent on scientific research. Discuss both and give your own opinion.

#people #government #support #development #arts #money #research
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There are competing views on whether the government’s money should be spent for entertainment or scientific purposes.
Although
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 numerous
people
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 think that art’s development is worth the financial support, others think that it is more beneficial to be given to scientific researchers. In my opinion, despite the significant value of
research
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, art can
as well
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also
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 be valuable for the country.
To begin
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 with, the investment in
research
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 would effectively help society. In today’s advanced world, technology is changing the world, which may indeed be for the benefit of human beings. In fact,
this
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 technology can be used to improve the arts. To take an example,
people
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 now can draw through a tablet with a pen.
However
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, I believe that art is our culture that we need to meditate on , especially in today’s busy life. Nowadays, art has several forms;
further
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,
people
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 who have no interest in
research
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 would often enjoy looking at or listening to artists.
For instance
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, there are a lot of
people
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 around the world who enjoy watching talent shows that present a lot of idols and artists.
In addition
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,
such
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 shows inspire a lot of children and teenagers,
in particular
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, to find their passion and pursue their dreams. That explains why it is beneficial, not only for the economy to develop arts but
also
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 for
the
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apply
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cultures and communities. In conclusion, there is a debate over who deserves the government money. Even though, some
people
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 argue that
research
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 is worth the support, others believe that government should be considered artists and develop them. I still think, despite the many advantages of science, that arts improvement will improve society.
Submitted by ezixllo on

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coherence
Improve logical flow of ideas between paragraphs for better coherence.
task response
Provide clearer support for main points with relevant examples and details.
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