IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter, • describe the situation • explain your problems and why it is difficult to work • say what kind of accommodation you would prefer

#room #college #student #arrangement #work #accommodation #officer #situation
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Dear Sir, I am writing
this
 letter with regard to
inform
Wrong verb form
informing
show examples
 you about the accommodation issues in the college
room
.
To begin
 with, the
room
 is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
quite small for the two members and our
room
 has only one bed in comparison with other bedrooms in the college.
Moreover
,the
room
 is not only untidy but
also
 previous students left
their
Change the pronoun
them
show examples
 some
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
,which has taken more space in the use.
In addition
,it is difficult for me to manage some problems.
Firstly
, there is very limited space to accommodate my household stuff,
therefore
 I
putted
Correct your spelling
put
show examples
 those in my friend's
room
.
Secondly
, the fan in the
room
 is not working properly,
due
Correct word choice
and due
show examples
 to
this
,it is challenging for me to work on my study.
Lastly
, I would like to share my opinion in terms of living space. In that, I am not excepting private
room
 but the bedrooms should be comfortable enough for two members.
Apart from
this
,the basic amenities should be provided without any problem. I hope you will address these concerns as soon as possible. yours sincerely, Parthkumar
Submitted by pp6859 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate a bit more on how the issues specifically impact your ability to study, providing more detailed examples or scenarios.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be split or joined for better flow. For instance, 'Moreover, the room is not only untidy but also previous students left their some stuffs' can be clearer as two separate sentences.
task achievement
You have clearly described the situation, listed specific problems, and provided a solution which addresses your concerns.
coherence cohesion
Your letter includes a proper greeting and closing, which adds formality and completeness.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • accommodation officer
  • roommate
  • share a room
  • living arrangement
  • difficult to work
  • noise levels
  • study environment
  • privacy concerns
  • alternative accommodation
  • single room
  • academic performance
  • well-being
  • respectfully request
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