IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Developed countries should restrict employment from other countries. Do what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, many countries which had improved in international business areas believe that immigration causes a high unemployment rate in developed countries. Despite
this
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,
limitations
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the limitations
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 of movement bring a lot of problems together. I totally disagree with
this
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 perspective and
this
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 essay will examine possible negative impacts on globalization and competitiveness. First of all, developing countries have extensive qualified human resources. Many educated people do not demonstrate their useful and brilliant skills under their country's circumstances.
However
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, if they
have
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had
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 a chance the
used
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use
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 their talents under the right conditions, they would invent. These opportunities feed a competitive business environment.
In addition
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, that environment will expand ideas and give courage to any kind of population.
For instance
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, undergraduate students who lived in India, before their graduation these students are hired by international companies.
Secondly
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, cultural differences are of significant value to our contemporary world. Encouraging diversity provides a distinct view.
On the other hand
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, learning and making new connections give flexibility and a chance to break meaningless biases around the world.
For example
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, many black people
had
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were
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 enslaved for a long time in the USA. These people were deprived of
an
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a
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oflot
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lot
chances
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of chances
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such
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 as education, health and election.
Nevertheless
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, Barack Obama the first black president of the USA implemented comprehensive laws in the USA,
as well as
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 changed their stereotypical expectations.
Finally
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, restricted immigration policies will
notto
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apply
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not be an efficient solution for society.
However
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, these policies were senseless obstacles to improvements in the past and now. If we want realistic,permanent and long-term solutions, we should support unlimited freedom.

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task response
Include more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph is clearly focused on a main point related to the topic of restricting employment from other countries.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a stronger introduction and conclusion that clearly outline your stance on the topic. Additionally, make sure that there is a clear progression of ideas within your paragraphs to improve coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic jobs
  • unemployment rates
  • talent shortages
  • skilled immigrants
  • competitive advantage
  • diversity and innovation
  • crucial
  • growth and competitiveness
  • retaliatory measures
  • global economy
  • administrative costs
  • international competitiveness
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