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Band 6

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility
In the contemporary epoch,there is irrefutable debate among folks on
great
Add an article
the great
a great
show examples
 increase of
diabetic
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
 in
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
star
Fix the agreement mistake
stars
show examples
.Abnormal weight and being unwell of youths in numerous state is
higly
Correct your spelling
highly
 noticeable.Some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 believe that the leadership has the duty to sort out the issue.I firmly coincide with and withstand the stated notion that the empire should create awareness on
this
 matter and
also
 lias with
parents
.
This
 discourse will
further
 elucidate my assertion in the forthcoming paragraph.
Firstly
,
this
 issue of unpleasant weight and unhealthy in
most
Add an article
the most
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continent
Fix the agreement mistake
continents
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 has fallen in
important
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importance
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 over
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 few years.
However
,the pivotal element
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 the countryside should highly facilitate creating awareness on
this
 matter
Correct your spelling
particularly
particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
 when the little
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 in school.Educating teachers and learners will help them to reduce the risk that
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 along with
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 symptoms despite the fact that it is through commitment and reminder by the teachers to adhere to the education and
also
 the health providers reporting extreme cases so that the state can evaluate when they are beyond.
For example
,numerous study depicts that the rate at which
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers are becoming obese is highly on the rise.
Consequently
,
executive
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the executive
an executive
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 has the schedule to create awareness
to
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the youths on
matter
Add an article
the matter
a matter
show examples
 of being healthy and keeping fit
On the other hand
,
parents
 should assist the government to implement the teaching
done
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
as a result
 the children will be extremely healthy
through
Change preposition
by
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 serving them
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
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 diet and facilitating them in physical activities because
without
Add the comma(s)
,without
show examples
this
,they will have a sedentary lifestyle.
Correct your spelling
In addition
Inaddition
Correct your spelling
In addition
,technology has
a great consequences
Correct the article-noun agreement
great consequences
a great consequence
show examples
towards
Change preposition
for
show examples
 children because the gadgets they use make them spend most of the time inactive so the mothers should create an environment
that is
 favourable to keep the
Correct your spelling
teenagers
teenegers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 active.
For example
,a recent study depicts that a child whose
parents
 are away in most cases they have substandard weight.
Therefore
,not only does the authority has the influence but
also
 the
parents
 and the toddlers themselves, To sum up,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will restate the
pespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
 that the administration has the liability of taking care of youths from getting obesity
although
 the fathers has
also
 a role in the implementation of what the wonderful government facilitates.
Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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