IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Young people committing crimes should be treated the same as adults by the authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults #authorities
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Juvenile atrocity is rising these days. A section of the public holds a notion that, despite variation in age group, equal punishment should be given to the offenders for an illegal act executed. I am fully convinced by the above-mentioned statement.
To begin
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 with, there are myriads of reasons to believe that all mobs should be punished equally.
First
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 and foremost, enacting the law to treat youngsters miscreant at par with the elders, would help the government in maintaining a balance between law and order of the nation. Since,
this
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 step helps in providing a sense of equality and democracy to the residents,
as a result
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, they feel safe and could move freely in their locality. As it creates a feeling in them, that, all criminals, irrespective of their age, should be attended to, by the government in the same manner as the elders.
For example
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, in a recent survey conducted by the city of Mexico in the year 2020, it had been revealed that, with the enactment of the same punishment for young criminals ,crime rates had reduced by 26 per cent.
Furthermore
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, serving the same sentence to the minor offender helps in reducing the juvenile misconduct ratio in the community. As, equal terms could be given to performing an illegal activity, refrain a junior from getting involved in
such
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 acts.
This
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 is possibly due to the fear of getting a lifetime in prison or the death penalty for their misdeed. To exemplify, in the city of Denmark, in 2021 , their Government made a law to give the death sentence to a juvenilerapist,
hence
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 it will drastically reduce rape conducted by minors in the area by almost 54 per cent.
Lastly
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,
such
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 harsh sentences to the youngsters, not only help the public to eliminate misdeeds conducted by the younger generation, but
also
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 helps minors get involved in other productive activities like acquiring new skills and knowledge that will, directly and indirectly,benefit the public as well as the individual in the long run. To conclude, I believe that criminals should be punished as per their misdeed,
instead
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 of relaxing their terms according to their age because it will help in reducing crime in the society in future.
Submitted by kirnu0216 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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