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Band 4.5

The major cities in around the world continue growth, the more problems they many have. What the problems young people are caused by develop ? What can be done to solve this.

#cities #world #growth #people
Nowadays, the major
cities
 around the world continue growing and,
as a result
, more
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
also
 occurred due to
this
development
 in the world. Young
people
 are facing difficulties due
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
 growth. In
this
 essay, I will explain why the case is so and give some possible
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to eliminate
this
 problem in the upcoming paragraphs. There are many problems
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 young individuals are facing due to
development
 in metropolitan
cities
 around the globe.
First
 and foremost, housing problems, majorly in city areas
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 are facing difficulties
to find
Change the verb form
finding
show examples
 renting houses due to
dense
Correct article usage
the dense
show examples
 population in
cities
.
Secondly
, due to
development
 in industries and
increasing
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increase
show examples
 in employment more and more
people
 migrating from regional towns to
cities
 for employment,
as a result
,
cities
Change noun form
cities'
city's
show examples
 population increases day per day and less scope vacant for young
people
.
Furthermore
, traffic congestion is the most noticeable problem among them.
Youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
Youngsters
show examples
 are facing difficulties
to reach at
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reaching
show examples
 their office on time due to long
jam
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jams
show examples
.
Moreover
, due to industries and other sectors majority of
people
uses
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use
show examples
 their private vehicles and for that reason,
air
Correct article usage
the air
show examples
 pollution rate increases very rapidly.
For example
,
in
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apply
show examples
Delhi
Add a comma
,Delhi
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 one of the
cities
 in India
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 pollution rate compared to other
cities
.
On the other hand
, there are some solutions to eliminate these problems.
Firstly
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should encourage
people
 to use more public vehicles
instead
 of private cars for their office and other work purposes, which helps
people
 to live in
fresh
Add an article
a fresh
the fresh
show examples
 air environment.
Secondly
,
also
 government should deploy more flyovers and construct good roadways ,
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 individuals to reach
at
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apply
show examples
their destination on time.
Also
,
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the authority
show examples
authority
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authorities
show examples
 should give work to the young
people
 who are still
unemployedto
Correct your spelling
unemployed
unemployed to
 living
cities
Change preposition
in cities
show examples
. In conclusion,
development
 in
cities
 around the world
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some drawbacks which
affects
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affect
show examples
 negatively on young
people
. In my opinion,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
giving them work in other sectors and developed
flyover
Fix the agreement mistake
flyovers
show examples
 along with roadways helps
Add an article
a youngster
the youngster
show examples
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 to reach
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their destination on time.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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