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Band 7.5

Nowadays more and more young people hold the important positions in the government. Some people think that is a good thing while others argue that it is not suitable . Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #positions #government
It is true that the number of young
people
 who hold highly responsible posts in the government is growing.
While
 some
people
 are opposed to
this
 idea, I support the view that
this
 trend is beneficial at present. On the one hand,
this
 trend has some notable drawbacks. The main issue is that it is really hard for the young to make older
people
 accept their leadership, especially in some Eastern nations. Young leaders are always thought to have insufficient capabilities to manage
such
 aspects of policy as the economy or international affairs.
In addition
, all of them are short on real experience. If they have not faced many challenges in their career, they are more likely to make mistakes, which can affect the lives of many
people
.
On the other hand
, it seems to me that young
people
 are becoming an increasingly important part of the government and bring a lot of benefits .One reason is that their youth is a huge advantage which allows them to be creative and up-to-date.
This
 is likely to result in many innovative breakthrough policies and styles of management.
Furthermore
, the young have a very long period of time to contribute to their nations.
For example
, with the same abilities and qualifications, a younger candidate is more likely to be elected than an older counterpart in some countries because of his longer anticipated time of devotion to public service in the future. In conclusion,
although
 there are strong arguments for both views, it seems to me that on the
whole
Add a comma
whole,
show examples
 it is beneficial that more young
people
 are being selected to play some key roles in the government.
Submitted by dieulinh1797 on

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task response
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and relevant to the topic. Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear overall progression throughout the essay. Use cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Try to use more varied and complex vocabulary to enhance your writing.
grammatical range
Work on the complexity and variety of your sentence structures. Pay attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and word order.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovative solutions
  • Modern policies
  • Adequately represented
  • Viewpoints and issues
  • High energy levels
  • Adaptability
  • Complex political landscape
  • Impulsive decisions
  • Undue influence
  • Susceptible to pressure
  • Seasoned colleagues
  • Lobbyists
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