IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently.To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience

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It is often argued that making a decision about the future occupation at a younger age and adhering to it could yield more satisfactory results than permanently changing jobs. completely agreeing with
this
Linking Words
 statement, I believe that early exposure to a
job
Use synonyms
 equips individuals with the required qualities,
while
Linking Words
, not pursuing
one
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 career could lead to dissatisfaction from it. Frequently changing jobs
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
 specializing in that particular field. Jumping from
one
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 branch to another
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one
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, doers naturally have less
time
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 to spend on extending their knowledge and gaining efficient experiences.
This
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 lack of adequate qualities,
consequently
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, leads to inefficiency at work, leading to frustration in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional
life
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. A salient example of
this
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 is my cousin, who commenced studying civil engineering after graduating from psychology; Yet, now she is an amateur dentist assistant and earns the minimum salary, demonstrating the adverse impact of improper decisions on
job
Use synonyms
 dissatisfaction.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 approach has assisted some individuals in finding their favourite
job
Use synonyms
, in many
such
Linking Words
 cases
this
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 has resulted in wasting
time
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, money and energy and
consequently
Linking Words
, failure to obtain a thriving professional position.
Conversely
Linking Words
, dedication to
one
Use synonyms
 decision about
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 future
job
Use synonyms
 from earlier ages usually cultivates a fulfilling working
life
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. Adherence to
one
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 particular way, people usually spend more
time
Use synonyms
 and energy to extend their knowledge.
This
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 expertise enables them to flourish in their occupation , resulting in a fulfilling professional
life
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. A study from Harvard University found that 90% of well-known Ophthalmologists globally started studying medical books before the age of 14, highlighting the correlation between the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 dedicated to
one
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 subject and the extent of success.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the early start makes people more experienced which is not achievable in a short
time
Use synonyms
,
while
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 it is the second key to
job
Use synonyms
 accomplishment and ultimately
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction. In conclusion, investing the whole
life
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 in a determined
job
Use synonyms
 paves the way toward a flourishing
as well as
Linking Words
 pleasing professional
life
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the idea that early deciding about a career path and keeping to it guarantees
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction is widely supported.

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Task Achievement
While your essay presents a clear argument in favor of sticking to one career path, it could be improved by acknowledging counterarguments in more detail. Discussing both perspectives more thoroughly would enhance your task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, consider using clearer topic sentences and transition phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
Task Achievement
Although you provide relevant examples, including further specific examples or personal anecdotes could strengthen your argument and make it more relatable to readers.
Structure and Clarity
Your introduction clearly states your position, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument. This gives your essay a strong framework.
Supporting Details
The examples you provided were relevant and illustrated your points well, particularly the personal anecdote about your cousin, which added a relatable touch.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
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