IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is common for many kinds of
food
Use synonyms
 to contain a high
level
Use synonyms
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
, especially those
food
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 manufactured in factories. Intaking too much
sugar
Use synonyms
 could be harmful to
health
Use synonyms
,
as a result
Linking Words
, some suggest that the
level
Use synonyms
 of
individuals
Use synonyms
'
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumption could be reduced by increasing the
price
Use synonyms
 of sugary
products
Use synonyms
. I believe that the rising
price
Use synonyms
 of sugary foods can not solve
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
. An increase in the
price
Use synonyms
 of sugary foods could be helpful to solve some
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
, as it prevents some
people
Use synonyms
 from eating them. Some
products
Use synonyms
, like cakes and chocolates, contain higher levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
, which could cause some
health
Use synonyms
 issues if eating too much,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity. If the
price
Use synonyms
 of these commodities is set at a high
level
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 may hesitate to pay money for them, and it is likely that consumers would choose a
food
Use synonyms
 with a low
sugar
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
. Rising the
price
Use synonyms
 of sugary commodities may help to reduce
individuals
Use synonyms
'
sugar
Use synonyms
 intake, which is beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, making sugary
products
Use synonyms
 more expensive may not be helpful to solve
individuals
Use synonyms
'
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
. Sugary
products
Use synonyms
 include not only chocolate and cakes but some basic
food
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as rice and noodles. These foods are important in
individuals
Use synonyms
' daily life and
people
Use synonyms
 have few other choices if they don't eat them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, an increase in the
price
Use synonyms
 of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 may not prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from eating them as they are necessities.
Individuals
Use synonyms
'
health
Use synonyms
 issues may not be tackled,
instead
Linking Words
, their financial burden may be increased due to the
price
Use synonyms
 increase. In conclusion, the high
price
Use synonyms
 imposed on sugary commodities could not solve the
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
 caused by intaking too much
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by csj030515 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: