IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
It is common for many kinds of
food
 to contain a high
level
 of
sugar
, especially those
food
products
 manufactured in factories. Intaking too much
sugar
 could be harmful to
health
,
as a result
, some suggest that the
level
 of
individuals
'
sugar
 consumption could be reduced by increasing the
price
 of sugary
products
. I believe that the rising
price
 of sugary foods can not solve
people
's
health
problems
. An increase in the
price
 of sugary foods could be helpful to solve some
health
problems
, as it prevents some
people
 from eating them. Some
products
, like cakes and chocolates, contain higher levels of
sugar
, which could cause some
health
 issues if eating too much,
such
 as obesity. If the
price
 of these commodities is set at a high
level
,
people
 may hesitate to pay money for them, and it is likely that consumers would choose a
food
 with a low
sugar
level
. Rising the
price
 of sugary commodities may help to reduce
individuals
'
sugar
 intake, which is beneficial for
people
's
health
.
However
, making sugary
products
 more expensive may not be helpful to solve
individuals
'
health
problems
. Sugary
products
 include not only chocolate and cakes but some basic
food
,
such
 as rice and noodles. These foods are important in
individuals
' daily life and
people
 have few other choices if they don't eat them.
Therefore
, an increase in the
price
 of sugary
products
 may not prevent
people
 from eating them as they are necessities.
Individuals
'
health
 issues may not be tackled,
instead
, their financial burden may be increased due to the
price
 increase. In conclusion, the high
price
 imposed on sugary commodities could not solve the
health
problems
 caused by intaking too much
sugar
.
Submitted by csj030515 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: