Developing medical treatments and medications is expensive. Some people think that it is better to spend the money on health-oriented preventive education. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Thanks to the development of medical science,
people
have
higher
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a higher
show examples
probability to be cured
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
diseases than before.
However
, some
people
argue that the cost is too high to save
everyone
, they think that instilling
perspective
Correct article usage
a perspective
show examples
of prevention
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
everyone
is a better choice.
This
essay will discuss the pros and cons of
this
issue. On the one hand, it is difficult to make
everyone
understand the professional knowledge of health ,
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
everyone
can become a doctor.
In addition
,
everyone
is
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
individual, we can't assure that the same healthy knowledge is effective for
everyone
.
For example
, the disease might
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
different symptoms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
different
people
. If we diagnose it based on our fundamental knowledge without the
helping
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help
show examples
of
professional
Add an article
a professional
show examples
doctor, it may cause some serious
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
.
On the other hand
, educating children
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
right health concept since they were young can reduces the chance of getting sick effectively. They will have a more healthy diet and do exercise regularly so that their immune system will be much
more
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apply
show examples
better. A lot of research
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shows that poor eating and living habit are the main reasons that cause
people
getting
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to get
show examples
Add an article
the illness
an illness
show examples
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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.
Therefore
, if
people
can live in a healthy way, they can not only become healthier but
also
can
safe
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save
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lots of money using for medical
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
. As far as I am concerned,
although
improving the healthy concept of
people
has several positive
effect
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effects
show examples
, we still can't stop developing new medical
treatment
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treatments
show examples
. The best way is
doing
Change the verb form
to do
show examples
these two things at the same time so that we can reduce the risk of virus intrusion significantly.
Submitted by wanyc90 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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