Developing medical treatments and medications is expensive. Some people think that it is better to spend the money on health-oriented preventive education. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Thanks to the development of medical science,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have
higher
Add an article
a higher

The noun phrase higher probability seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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probability to be cured
from
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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diseases than before.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

argue that the cost is too high to save
everyone
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, they think that instilling
perspective
Correct article usage
a perspective

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of prevention
to
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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everyone
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is a better choice.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay will discuss the pros and cons of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

issue. On the one hand, it is difficult to make
everyone
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

understand the professional knowledge of health ,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase otherwise. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
everyone
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can become a doctor.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
everyone
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
different
Correct article usage
a different

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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individual, we can't assure that the same healthy knowledge is effective for
everyone
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the disease might
has
Change the verb form
have

The verb has after the modal verb might does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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different symptoms
on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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different
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. If we diagnose it based on our fundamental knowledge without the
helping
Replace the word
help

The word helping doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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of
professional
Add an article
a professional

The noun phrase professional doctor seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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doctor, it may cause some serious
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results

It seems that result may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, educating children
the
Change preposition
on the

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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right health concept since they were young can reduces the chance of getting sick effectively. They will have a more healthy diet and do exercise regularly so that their immune system will be much
more
Change the word
apply

The double comparative more better may be repetitive. Consider changing this to the appropriate comparative form.

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better. A lot of research
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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shows that poor eating and living habit are the main reasons that cause
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

getting
Change the verb form
to get

Getting doesn’t seem to work here.

show examples
Add an article
the illness
an illness
show examples
Add an article
the illness
an illness

The noun phrase illness seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can live in a healthy way, they can not only become healthier but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

can
safe
Replace the word
save

The word safe doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
lots of money using for medical
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes

It seems that purpose may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. As far as I am concerned,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

improving the healthy concept of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

has several positive
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects

The singular countable noun effect follows the quantifier several, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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, we still can't stop developing new medical
treatment
Fix the agreement mistake
treatments

It seems that treatment may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. The best way is
doing
Change the verb form
to do

Doing doesn’t seem to work here.

show examples
these two things at the same time so that we can reduce the risk of virus intrusion significantly.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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