Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
It is widely believed that
Correct your spelling
governments
government
goverments
are to blame for the rising Correct your spelling
governments
number
of obese children in society today. I strongly agree with this
point of view for a number
of reasons. Most governments fail to regulate that
advertisements Correct determiner usage
the
of
various nutrition-poor foods that target the youth. As well as Change preposition
for
this
, little has been done to provide healthier and cheaper food
alternatives . This
essay will further
expand on these points and their effects.
First
of all, I will discuss the failure of the governing bodies to regulate the advertising campaigns of many global junk food
corporations that target adolescents. Health and food
ministries often do not monitor the content of advertisements giving complete freedom to marketing companies, with few boundaries and instructions as to how they should be done. This
has resulted in companies such
as Cadburys and MacDonalds
often promoting various foodstuffs that are detrimental to our well-being, to our most vulnerable and easily gullible members of society. Change noun form
Macdonald's
Macdonalds'
This
usually leads to children often pressuring their parents into purchase
these snacks or meals ,often succeeding without knowing the full implications of these products on their health.
Wrong verb form
purchasing
Additionally
, little has been done to introduce healthier food
choices in many grocery stores. Struggling parents are often forced to buy cheaper less nutritionous
Correct your spelling
nutritious
nutritional
food
as nutritious beneficial choices are often unavailable or pricier. This
can be seen in food
deserts in certain regions of the USA whereby black and latino
communities have Change the capitalization
Latino
rising
Change the article
a rising
the rising
number
of obese children due to limited healthier food
products. In this
instance
the government should intervene and provide better Add a comma
,instance
food
in these areas, as their inability to do so has led to increasing
Add an article
the increasing
an increasing
number
of youth obesity as well as the coresponding
health effects.
To conclude, childhood obesity is a matter of growing concern. The government are mostly to blame as they have failed to prevent certain adverts from airing as well as provide beneficial Correct your spelling
corresponding
Add a hyphen
nutrient-rich
nutrient rich
foods to certain isolated communities. Add a hyphen
nutrient-rich
Movinf
forwardCorrect your spelling
Moving
,
more should be done to tackle Remove the comma
apply
this
epidemic.Submitted by nyamatakaare92 on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite