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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Todays schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. to what extent do you agree disaree with this statement?

#todays #schools #students #world #disaree
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Nowadays, teaching finance
for
Change preposition
to
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students
Use synonyms
 has been
the
Correct article usage
a
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 topical subject of debate. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, due to
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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 importance of researching
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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, the opinion of the public is divided over whether
banking
Correct article usage
the banking
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business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 should be educated or not.
Although
Linking Words
 there are various other subjects that
learner
Fix the agreement mistake
learners
show examples
 need to study, I reckon that schools should deliver financial knowledge to their scholars.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there is an appealing ground why taking
finance
Correct article usage
a finance
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 course as an essential subject is
disadvantage
Change the article
a disadvantage
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 for
students
Use synonyms
. Clearly, studying about
economy
Add an article
the economy
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 is not the ultimate goal of education because there are other important subjects that trainees need to learn. According to a recent survey, learning humanities like foreign language and philosophy was more helpful for the pupils who get a job due to many company's ethical standards.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 offers strong proof that focusing on diverse subjects is necessary for the learners
instead
Linking Words
 of obtaining financial training as default. Despite
of
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apply
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the abovementioned views, I contend that learning how to survive financially is beneficial to
students
Use synonyms
 due to educational efficiency.
First
Linking Words
, by learning business, trainees can manage their budget more effectively since learning experiences
such
Linking Words
 as taking courses, personal study,
studying
Correct word choice
and studying
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 abroad
cost
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costs
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 money.
For example
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, one shows that the number of pupils who got financial education showed better managing their money for buying study- materials due to their savings.
Second
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,
Correct article usage
the basic
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basic
Fix the agreement mistake
basics
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 of banking including
mathematic
Replace the word
mathematics
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 can be utilized to study as well as daily life.
For instance
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,
Add an article
the person
a person
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person
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people
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 who get
Correct article usage
a mathematic
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mathematic
Replace the word
mathematics
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course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
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 were not only able to use their in-depth knowledge to develop their science theory, but
also
Linking Words
 used it for purchasing daily goods based on planning their budget.
Hence
Linking Words
, learning
banking
Correct article usage
the banking
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 business can hit
the
Correct article usage
apply
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two birds with one stone since it is effective for pupils in both ways, in daily life and school experience. To sum up,
although
Linking Words
 there are various theories that
students
Use synonyms
 need to train, I definitely believe that schools should deliver financial knowledge to their trainees which can make their life
as
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apply
show examples
a bed of roses.
Submitted by eosmagic00 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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