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Band 5

Some industrialized countries have serious environmental problems. The damage to the environment is an inevitable result when a country tends to improve the standard of living. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #damage #environment #country
Like the United Kingdom, many industrialized countries suffer from
the
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serious environmental problems nowadays. From my point of view, I do not think that making a better
life
 will actually
cause
Verb problem
make
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 the environment worse. In the past 50 years, more and more industrial products, which are efficient and good for our
life
, were created,
such
 as
the
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railways,
the
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airplanes
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aeroplanes
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 and
the
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cars. These advanced tools are often driven by oil, in which process many toxic gases could discharge out to pollute the air. They have provided much convenience for us.
Nevertheless
, we could completely exploit some renewable energy to replace
the
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oil-driving tools.
Firstly
, some car factories should seek some approaches to develop the driven system using
the
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electricity, which is an alternative to an oil-driven system. In the meantime, we can generate electricity by some green, renewable resources, like wind, hydro and
the
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solar power.
In addition
, countries all over the world should collaborate together to make laws and policies to prevent the environment from
being
Verb problem
becoming
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 worse. More and more environmental consortiums will be founded in the future, to gather the intelligence of
the
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human beings to achieve the goal of making a better ecosystem. Only through the awareness of environmental protection increases day by day, can we preserve our beautiful earth and
life
. So, leading a sustainable lifestyle will be more and more important in the future. In conclusion, to live a better
life
 is actually not
opponent
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an opponent
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 to protecting the environment. I truly believe that we can even improve our
life
 on the basis of taking advantage of the technologies and the increasing notion of
low carbon
Add a hyphen
low-carbon
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 lifestyles.
Submitted by Rolph on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas. However, the coherence and logical structure of the essay could be improved to enhance the overall flow and clarity of the argument.
task response
The response addresses the task sufficiently and offers clear and comprehensive ideas. To further enhance the task achievement, ensure that the argument is well-structured and directly supports the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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