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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected types of relationships people make? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #technology #relationships #development
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In the modern world, technology has changed the
way
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 many
people
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 connect to each other. It has developed
new
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apply
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various forms of
relationships
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 in our society, and it influences significantly how
people
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 socialize. In my opinion,
this
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 development helps many individuals to manage their
connections
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 in a good
way
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.
However
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, I think that it can have some drawbacks too. The state-of-art developments, which have provided new types of
relationships
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 have affected societies and their
way
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 of
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connections
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connecting
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.
Firstly
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, with the advent of a virtual environment, many
people
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change
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have changed
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 their attention and interest in
this
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 new form.
For example
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, chat apps are very common among families,
almost
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and almost
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 everyone
tent
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tends
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 to use them.
Secondly
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, these new apps would change considerably the
way
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people
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 make new
relationships
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. In my view, there are many advantages associated with modern technology in terms of
people
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's social life.
First,
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it provides an environment where many
people
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 can make
connections
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 with their friends and families from very long distances.
For instance
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, these days, there are a lot of
people
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 who work abroad or study. These ones can easily call their parents and be happy.
In addition
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,
The
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apply
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technology expanded business
relationships
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 between countries.
This
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 means many poorer countries can join the international trade.
Finally
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, It's true that there can be some drawbacks
such
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 as less interest in face-to-face
connections
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 or some criminal activities, but
overall
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, it can bring lots of benefits to the world. In conclusion, modern devices have changed our social life and
also
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 affected us in various forms.
While
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 there are some disadvantages to
this
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 situation, many
people
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 can benefit from new types of
relationships
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 they can have.
Submitted by omid.afsharpour on

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language
Improve sentence formation and expression of your points. At times, the used sentences are either grammatically incorrect or awkward, resulting in a slight misunderstanding of the conveyed points.
content
Provide more specific examples to support your points. You have used general information for examples that could be made more compelling and relevant with specific statistics or concrete scenarios.
structure
Some of the arguments made in the essay, while valid, seem to deviate slightly from the main prompt: 'In what ways has technology affected types of relationships people make?' Be sure to stay focused.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interact
  • Social media platforms
  • Networking
  • Instant messaging
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Misunderstandings
  • Emotional context
  • Superficial connections
  • Deceptive identities
  • Privacy concerns
  • Social skills
  • Video calls
  • Online presence
  • Digital communication
  • Cyber relationships
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