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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays people normally stretch their working hours and get stressed than before. What are the reasons for this? What employers can do to make people's life easier?

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Employees enjoyed less pressure in working until recently
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when the working duration was prolonged. The origins of
this
Linking Words
 circumstance seek to stem from two causes,
while
Linking Words
 several remedies appear to be practically implemented by employers.
Initially
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, the first underlying factor is inflation, leading to
the
Correct article usage
an
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 increase in living costs.
Thus
Linking Words
, to fulfil
workers
Use synonyms
' needs, they are required to
work
Use synonyms
 overtime, because, in some cases, they receive some incentives for working on extra hours. These perks and bonuses tend to be useful to support their life and become a meaningful motivation to
work
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, companies in Indonesia are obliged to pay extra money for those who have to
work
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 overtime.
Furthermore
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, the competition in the career world is becoming more intensive;
thus
Linking Words
, workforces endeavour to perform better, qualitatively and quantitatively.
This
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 kind of competition appears to put quite significant pressure on the
workers
Use synonyms
 in order to maintain their employment, or even to get a promotion. One example can be seen in Japan, where the employees are very competitive and the
stress
Use synonyms
 rate is quite high. In order to ease employees', job providers can provide a more flexible working environment to maintain their
work
Use synonyms
/life balance. Creating an enjoyable environment,
such
Linking Words
 as providing leisure places to relax, seems to be effective in reducing
stress
Use synonyms
 levels since they are able to take a rest in the middle of working. An example can be seen in one study which has approved that short breaks can efficiently decrease someone's anxiety and
stress
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
a physchological
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physchological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 centre in a company seems to be advisable.
This
Linking Words
 place can offer professional care for their
workers
Use synonyms
, so they have a safe place to talk and get proper treatment for their conditions. In summary,
lifestyles
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyle
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 demand and job competition, both are the two main origins of
workers
Use synonyms
'
stress
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, companies should offer comfortable working areas and professional mental healthcare to help their
workers
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
To boost coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. For instance, words like 'moreover,' 'in addition,' or 'consequently' can make the flow of arguments clearer.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by relevant details. This will enhance readability and ensure that each point is thoroughly explained before moving on to the next.
task achievement
Regarding task achievement, adding more detailed examples and evidence can elevate your ideas further. Specific case studies or quantitative data can offer stronger support for your claims.
task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are consistently clear and avoid ambiguous statements. Address each part of the question thoroughly and maintain a balanced discussion to achieve a comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which neatly frame the discussion and provide a summary of the points addressed.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and add depth to the arguments. For instance, mentioning Indonesia and Japan gives a global perspective to the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • stretching working hours
  • increased competition
  • economic pressures
  • job insecurity
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
  • mental health support
  • stress management workshops
  • telecommuting
  • blurred boundaries
  • globalized world
  • advent of mobile devices
  • daily stress of commuting
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