Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?
Nowadays, a lot of
toys
, ranging from simple dolls to complicated electronic gadgets like video games, are provided for some children
by their parents. I think this
is not a problem provided children
are sufficiently active and care for their toys
. (41 words
)
One of the important advantages of children
having lots of toys
is that there are different games for them to play. They can choose one of their toys
according to
their mood and taste,
and are less likely to become bored. Remove the comma
apply
Besides
, they would certainly be able to learn a wider variety of skills like problem solving
or organization. Different Add a hyphen
problem-solving
toys
can teach them different things, which means that the more toys
they have, the more they are likely to learn. (83 words
)
However
, having a lot of different toys
could possibly lead to children
becoming overweight since many modern toys
like video games and LEGOs, which are very common these days, are usually played indoors. Therefore
, they would definitely reduce children
’s physical activity, leading them to gain extra weight. Furthermore
, when kids have too many toys
, it is likely that they will take less care of them. In other
words
, they will probably not learn to value them if there is always a replacement ready to play with. Consequently
, they would not learn to appreciate their belongings. (95 words
)
In conclusion, I believe that children
benefit from an abundance of toys
which offer them variety, as well as
teaching them more varied skills. However
, it is important that they keep an active lifestyle and are taught to value every toy. (41 words
)Submitted by soltaninejad_sahel on
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Coherence & Cohesion
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are clear and echo each other, reinforcing the main topic and your viewpoint. You have included both, but they could be more developed to effectively frame the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Detail your main points with more specific examples that strengthen your arguments. Currently, the examples provided are relevant but lack depth and detail, which are necessary for a higher score.
Task Achievement
Your essay does address the task, but in order to fully satisfy the requirements, aim for a more developed response that covers all aspects of the prompt in more detail.
Task Achievement
Clarify and elaborate on your ideas so that the essay comprehensively explores the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. Now, your ideas are somewhat clear, but require more depth and elaboration to be considered comprehensive.
Task Achievement
Introduce a wider range of specific and relevant examples to support your ideas. This helps to provide a more thorough understanding of the points you are trying to make.
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