Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing sports and taking part in more traditional pastimes than spending all day indoors. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #computers #entertainment #sports #part #pastimes #indoors

Without a doubt, modern technology has transformed how we live nowadays. Teenagers, who mostly stay indoors these days, are dependent on electronic gadgets for their entertainment, I would argue that they should play outdoors

sports

rather than playing

video

games

at home all day.

To begin

with, I would argue that adolescents usually spend a good amount of their

time

each day learning at school while seated.

Therefore

, It is important that they undertake physical activities of any kind to stay fit and healthy.

For example

, schools in my country, India, have personal training sessions in the mornings, making sure that the

students

are both physically and mentally fit.

In contrast

, if adequate attention is not directed to the physical health of

students

, many of them can become fat and obese.

As a result

, it will have a rather negative effect on their

all-round

Correct your spelling

all-around

show examples

development.

In addition

to that, I believe that

students

should spend a reasonable amount of

time

playing physical

sports

rather than playing

video

games

on computers or gaming consoles. The reason for

this

is that playing real

sports

can warrant them to communicate better with their fellow peers while staying healthy and mentally fit. To illustrate

this

point, as per a report from a gazette newspaper, children who play outdoor

sports

are more likely to build better professional careers than those who do not.

On the contrary

, if

students

use most of their free

time

playing

video

games

, they would face problems associated with building friends in the real world. In conclusion, while a plethora of adolescents

spend

Change the verb form

spends

show examples

much of their free

time

playing

video

games

on gaming consoles, it is important that they should play indoor

games

as well because it can help them to build a great personality and develop better relationships with friends.

Submitted by utsavchandel26sep on Mon Jul 25 2022

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

300 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

dependent
computers
electronic entertainment
outside
sports
traditional pastimes
excessive
negative impacts
physical health
mental health
promote
overall well-being
play outdoors
read books
socialize
develop
balance
holistic development

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Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing sports and taking part in more traditional pastimes than spending all day indoors. Do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

Too much money is spent in maintaining and repairing old buildings. Some people think that they should be knocked down and give way to the modern buildings. To what extent do you agree or disagree

The increase in the elderly population makes it difficult for taxpayers. What should be the solution?

Some people think that the best way to solve the problem of poverty in many countries is to set up businesses and improve trade links with rich countries.