IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #history #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is suggested that school-age children should only learn domestic
history
 rather than world
history
.
However
, I disagree with
this
 point of view and believe that both should be learned at schools. On the one hand, it is imperative to learn subjects related to local
history
 because it can help teenagers
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
cultivate a sense of belonging and pride. To be specific, knowing historical stories and living habitats of the past generations can deepen students' understanding of their cultures and create a special bond between them and their ancestors, which can strengthen youngsters' cultural identity.
Moreover
, juveniles would be proud of their nation and government after studying the process of economic flourishing and technological developments,
thus
 becoming more responsible for society and concerned about the environment.
On the other hand
, learning about the
history
 of other countries has its own benefits. World
history
 informs us of different cultures and lifestyles of different nationalities, which is essential for juveniles to assimilate into the global community and become successful in
this
 globalized village. Specifically, understanding diverse
history
 can not only help youths
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
form a mutual understanding of different ethnic groups but
also
 encourage adolescents to think outside the box and develop creativity. People equipped with a well-rounded perspective can consider problems from different angles,
consequently
 fostering better problem-solving skills, which is one the most vital
contributor
Fix the agreement mistake
contributors
show examples
 to personal achievements. From the analysis above, I believe it is equally important for students to know about local and world
history
 because both of them
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 their own advantages.
Submitted by lslethan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint and that your essay sufficiently addresses the question posed. You should either align with the given statement or refute it, stating to what extent you agree or disagree. Keep your argument consistent throughout your essay.
task achievement
Provide a balanced approach when discussing both sides of an argument but remember to return to your own thesis, emphasizing your stance towards the end of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Strive to maintain a clear logical structure throughout your essay. Use linking words effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs, ensuring that the reader can easily follow your line of reasoning.
coherence and cohesion
Introduce concrete examples to strengthen your main points. Each paragraph should include specific details that illustrate and support the claims you make.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
What to do next:
Look at other essays: