Essay #2: More and more people want to own famous brands such as cars, clothes, or other items. This is positive or negative? Give out your opinion.

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In the
last
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several decades, people
desire
Wrong verb form
have desired
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more worldwide brand items,
due to
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economical
Replace the word
economic
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development. A wide range of individuals
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
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to show off to get respect from others, which leads to negative consequences. There are valid opinions on both sides, which I will consider in
this
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essay. On the
on
Correct your spelling
one
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hand, most people who
earned
Wrong verb form
earn
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money believe that if they buy costly components,
such
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as clothes, automobiles, and accessories
then
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they can get respect from their relatives and friends. Absolutely, they do not follow
old-fashion
Correct your spelling
old-fashioned
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, these communities always have a thirst for newer items.
Not to mention
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, it is like an addiction if we cannot control it.
For instance
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, somebody who wants to be like
Correct article usage
a celebrities
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celebrities
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrity
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may pay a high cost for costumes;
however
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, he or she
has
Verb problem
does
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not much money for that.
Hence
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,
this
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method is a total waste of money.
On the other hand
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, it can be seen that others think differently. People who are conservationists, clearly are opposed to
this
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method.
For example
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, They are in favour of buying in bulk, avoiding wasting materials
,
Remove the comma
apply
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and using a closed-loop cycling system.
As a result
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, they feel that it is an unnecessary industry for humankind and other biodiversities. To summarize, the contemporary world is surrounded by endless brands which are useless and not essential at all.
Consequently
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, the process of providing more new elements has caused devastating threats.
Furthermore
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, from my perspective, it is the best time to think differently and save the world, because buying well-known brands more and more is completely useless and the disadvantages outweigh the possible advantages.
Submitted by neda.momeni.art on

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task response
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the logical structure of the essay could be improved for better coherence and clarity. More specific examples that directly address the prompt would strengthen the response. Make sure to address both the positive and negative aspects of owning famous brands and provide a balanced evaluation of their impact.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic logical structure, but the presentation and development of ideas could be more organized and coherent. Consider using transitional devices to connect ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that the supporting points are relevant to the topic and provide clear and comprehensive explanations.
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