IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is well known that when
people
Use synonyms
 face a difficult
situation
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, some of them give up and accept it. Others try to improve it.
While
Linking Words
 both points of view have valid reasons to follow, I totally agree with the second perspective, since it will eventually lead to a better
life
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. On the one hand, a large number of
people
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 value their stability over taking new steps in
life
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.
This
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 is because they cannot afford
losing
Wrong verb form
to lose
show examples
 their current
situation
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, even if it is unsatisfactory, because it helps them secure many different aspects of their lives.
Moreover
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, thinking about changing their decisions puts them under extreme pressure.
As a result
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, they are stuck in the same
situation
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 for so many years.
For instance
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, many hard workers in Kuwait accept a hard work environment because
this
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 place gives them a sense of safety in their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Although
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this
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 idea is understandable, I totally disagree with it, because
this
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 mindset closes many great opportunities one can get.
On the other hand
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, some individuals prefer changing hard circumstances by taking
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 group of
people
Use synonyms
 believes that having a hard time
while
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 making the needed changes is way
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
better than being stuck in a difficult position. Not only that, but they
also
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 believe in their ability to improve their lives.
As a consequence
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, they have
overall
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 better
life
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 circumstances.
This
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 is the main reason why I support
this
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 mindset. Take businessmen as an example, it is noticeable that their financial
situation
Use synonyms
 is better than most average men.
This
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 is
due to
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 their
capability
Use the right word
ability
show examples
of taking
Change preposition
to take
show examples
 risks and
changing
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 their
life
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. In conclusion,
people
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 should not accept bad circumstances just because they are used to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they feel safe in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, but they need to take
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 step and try to change the difficult
situation
Use synonyms
 into a growth opportunity.
This
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 is one of the main factors that makes
people
Use synonyms
's lives better.

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structure
Plan a balanced view: briefly show why both sides can be right, then state your own clear opinion.
structure
Make each paragraph have one main idea with a clear link to the previous and next idea.
content
Support each point with a precise example that links to the idea.
language
Improve grammar and phrasing; avoid awkward expressions like 'way much better' and 'cannot afford losing'—use 'cannot afford to lose' instead.
language
Use simpler, accurate vocabulary and shorter sentences when needed to keep meaning clear.
task response
The writer states a clear personal view and gives a conclusion.
coherence
There are explicit 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' links to show both views.
structure
Conclusion restates the position and ties to advice.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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