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Band 4.5

Some believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #money #education #computers #teachers
There is no doubt that
education
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a crucial role in the way people lead their lives.
However
, while some urge is that
money
 for tuition should primarily be used up on better
computers
 , I would agree with those who argued that it would be preferable
spent
Change the verb form
to spend
show examples
 on instructors.
Firstly
, it is vital that
computers
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 useful in
education
.
Conversely
, there is no demand for
computers
 in
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
show examples
 section because
those
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are not teaching students the subjects, they are just a step for learning.
Moreover
, it is an obvious fact that universities which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 using high-tech
computers
 can not attempt the best 50 universities in the world. In the light of
this
 information , if that
money
spent
Add a missing verb
is spent
show examples
 on
computers
 there will be no changes in
education
 level.
Secondly
,
teachers
 do much more than teaching because during the class students are learning subjects and how to acquire their
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
. Experienced
teachers
 who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 almost can teach everything in your majority are very valuable. It goes without saying that
teachers
 are making the best universities list in the world . To illustrate, Harvard is the most valuable university in the world and
that is
 not for having better
computers
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 for good quality instructors . Without
doubt
Correct article usage
a doubt
show examples
 ,I can say that if we spent
money
 on
teachers
Change noun form
teachers'
teacher's
show examples
tuitions
Fix the agreement mistake
tuition
show examples
 would be better. All in all, what can be concluded from
afore mentioned
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
show examples
 remarks is that
although
 some individuals
advocates
Fix the agreement mistake
advocate
show examples
, I strongly believe that
money
 for
education
 should be mostly spent on
teachers
.
Submitted by mertakin40 on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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