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Band 4

Some people think teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. They believe this would benefit teenagers and the society.What is your opinion.Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #society
In most communities,
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
 are encouraged to spend their leisure
time
 carrying out one duty or the other without being paid.
This
 is thought to have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 effect on the teenager and the
community
 at large. From my perspective,I think
this
 has
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 advantage on the individual as it would help to guide them
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the right path Individuals in their teens are mostly preoccupied with gadgets
such
 as phones, computers and so on,
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they do not realize how much
time
 they waste on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For example
,my immediate younger sister spends more
time
 on her phone playing games ,
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 she forgets to study when she has exams.
However
,if
this
time
 is diverted into working for the
community
,they would end up gaining some experience thereby adding to her knowledge.
Also
,it is important to ask adolescents to participate in activities involving
community
 development as
this
 will not only impact their lives but
also
 provide a better environment to live in. Most teenagers are easily influenced by peer groups that they get distracted from their studies and find themselves partying and engaging in all sorts of negative acts
such
 as
clubing
Correct your spelling
clubbing
climbing
 , pornography and drinking.
Correct your spelling
In order
show examples
Inorder
Correct your spelling
In order
show examples
 to prevent these,they can be encouraged to invest
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
time
 into developing themselves by participating in various
community
 work
such
 as keeping the environment clean,learning practical skills, sewing ,weaving ,making
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hair and so on
Furthermore
,
this
 could
also
 help to assist their parents in reducing their expenses.
For instance
,a
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
 earner who has no money to send his or her child to learn a particular skill will be so grateful to see the child doing or learning
such
 skill from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.Through
community
 work ,most individuals have learnt some skills they couldn't have developed on their own. In conclusion,they say a child
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not belong to the parents alone ,but to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as a whole.It is
therefore
 important to help in the upbringing of these teenagers by making them see reasons why they should put their energy into
community
 work and development.
Submitted by agozie2018 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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