IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. They believe this would benefit teenagers and the society.What is your opinion.Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #society
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In most communities,
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
 are encouraged to spend their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 carrying out one duty or the other without being paid.
This
Linking Words
 is thought to have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 effect on the teenager and the
community
Use synonyms
 at large. From my perspective,I think
this
Linking Words
 has
great
Correct article usage
a great
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 advantage on the individual as it would help to guide them
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the right path Individuals in their teens are mostly preoccupied with gadgets
such
Linking Words
 as phones, computers and so on,
that
Correct word choice
and
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 they do not realize how much
time
Use synonyms
 they waste on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For example
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,my immediate younger sister spends more
time
Use synonyms
 on her phone playing games ,
that
Correct word choice
and
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 she forgets to study when she has exams.
However
Linking Words
,if
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 is diverted into working for the
community
Use synonyms
,they would end up gaining some experience thereby adding to her knowledge.
Also
Linking Words
,it is important to ask adolescents to participate in activities involving
community
Use synonyms
 development as
this
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 will not only impact their lives but
also
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 provide a better environment to live in. Most teenagers are easily influenced by peer groups that they get distracted from their studies and find themselves partying and engaging in all sorts of negative acts
such
Linking Words
 as
clubing
Correct your spelling
clubbing
climbing
 , pornography and drinking.
Correct your spelling
In order
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Inorder
Correct your spelling
In order
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 to prevent these,they can be encouraged to invest
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 into developing themselves by participating in various
community
Use synonyms
 work
such
Linking Words
 as keeping the environment clean,learning practical skills, sewing ,weaving ,making
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hair and so on
Furthermore
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,
this
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 could
also
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 help to assist their parents in reducing their expenses.
For instance
Linking Words
,a
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
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 earner who has no money to send his or her child to learn a particular skill will be so grateful to see the child doing or learning
such
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 skill from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.Through
community
Use synonyms
 work ,most individuals have learnt some skills they couldn't have developed on their own. In conclusion,they say a child
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not belong to the parents alone ,but to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as a whole.It is
therefore
Linking Words
 important to help in the upbringing of these teenagers by making them see reasons why they should put their energy into
community
Use synonyms
 work and development.
Submitted by agozie2018 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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