Many inventions by humans are considered revolutionary (e.g. wheel). Some people think that the most important invention is the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
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believe that the
internet
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is the most significant invention in human history.
While
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I agree that the
internet
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has transformed our lives in many ways, I
also
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believe that other
inventions
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have played equally crucial roles.
This
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essay will discuss both perspectives.
To begin
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with, the
internet
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is the largest source of information, making knowledge easily accessible to
people
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of all ages. In the past, individuals had to rely on books, magazines, and journals to find information.
However
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, today, with just a single click,
people
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can access a vast amount of data. Students can use it to enhance their knowledge and learn difficult subjects independently,
while
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older adults can explore new hobbies after retirement.
As a result
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, the
internet
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has helped society become more informed and skilled.
Furthermore
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, the
internet
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has revolutionized communication and convenience. It is widely used for both personal and professional purposes, enabling
people
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to build connections across the globe.
For example
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, individuals can book appointments, send work-related emails, and share entertainment content regardless of their location.
This
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accessibility has made daily life more efficient and convenient.
However
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, other
inventions
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have
also
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significantly shaped human life.
For instance
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, advancements in robotics have greatly supported industries, particularly in hazardous jobs.
Similarly
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, the discovery of electricity has been essential, as without it, electronic devices—including the
internet
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itself—would not function.
Additionally
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, medical breakthroughs,
such
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as vaccines, have saved millions of lives, as seen during the COVID-19 pandemic. These
inventions
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have played a crucial role in improving health, safety, and
overall
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quality of life. In conclusion,
while
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the
internet
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offers invaluable benefits,
such
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as unlimited access to information and global connectivity, other
inventions
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, including electricity, robotics, and medical advancements, have
also
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been fundamental to human progress.
Therefore
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, I believe that all major
inventions
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are important in their own ways, each contributing uniquely to society.

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task achievement
You presented a balanced argument discussing both the benefits of the internet and the significance of other inventions. This perspective enriches the essay and showcases critical thinking. However, consider including a more detailed analysis of how these inventions compare in significance, as this can enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize your stance on the topic. To improve, you might briefly mention the specific inventions you will discuss in the introduction to enhance clarity and focus. This would also help in guiding the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph is logically structured, with clear topic sentences. However, including more transitional phrases could improve the flow between your main ideas. For example, using phrases like 'Moreover' or 'On the other hand' can help connect your points more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with clear topic sentences and supporting details that strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, particularly in discussing how various inventions have transformed lives.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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