IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

It is important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personal lives. Do the advantages of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
Although
 some
people
 believe that
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 risky experience determines a bad influence on
life
, there are others who consider to taking risks brings a benefit change, both in a professional career as well as private
life
. I concur
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Correct word choice
that this
show examples
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 advantages outweigh any disadvantages. On the one hand, it can be thought
when
Correct word choice
that
show examples
people
make
Correct pronoun usage
who make
show examples
 a risky move create an insecure person as a consequence of failure in
this
 new experience. Indeed, a problem when a person
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 a
risk
is make
Change the verb form
is making
show examples
 a mistake that could influence
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his psyche, follows
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 personal problems.
For example
, in many companies, when employees try to overcome themselves to get a new position without good results,
this
 affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
life
, decreasing
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
good results and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
taking
Change the verb form
take
show examples
Add an article
a risk
the risk
show examples
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in their private
life
 being a monotonous routine.
On the other hand
, a big
advantages
Correct the article-noun agreement
advantage
show examples
 of taking risks is a
life
 change if the result of
this
 is good.
Furthermore
, when
people
 have a positive change, directly affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their career and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal lives.
For instance
, the
life
 of
Marzk
Correct your spelling
Mark
 Zuckerberg is knowledge because he was studying to be a good professional
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Harvard when he take the decision to create Facebook, as a consequence of
this
risk
, he created a big fortune, he began to earn a big amount of money being a multimillionaire.
Also
, It can be seen the balance of his decision of private and professional move, result in a successful person. In conclusion, I believe
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 a risky move is
really
Replace the word
real
show examples
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 to
people
 in many ways despite some
people
 thing the contrary.
However
, there are many
example
Change to a plural noun
examples
show examples
 of
successful
Add an article
a successful
show examples
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
 who did not have fear of
take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
.
Submitted by roberto.carrascopizarro on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: