IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Due to traffic and housing problems in the cities, the government encourages businesses to move to the rural area. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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The increasing number of vehicles on roads and the lack of houses in urban
areas
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 have made the government think of shifting industries to the outskirts. I certainly believe that
this
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 thought has more merits because it would help in
pollution
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 control and provide space to build new homes. One striking advantage of relocation of factories to remote
areas
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 is reducing
pollution
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. Smoke, chemicals and other wastes released from factories are major sources of
pollution
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 in the
cities
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.
Moreover
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, production units require huge
areas
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thus
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 limiting greener spaces in
such
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 regions.
Additionally
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, traffic congestion in these urban
cities
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 is as it is at its peak leading to
pollution
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 issues
due to
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 the emission of harmful gases. If factories are given grants and subsidies by the government, they will be inclined towards rural displacement .
This
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 would let the city dwellers breathe well and enjoy the benefits of city life. Recent research has revealed that by encouraging industries through reduced tax and low production costs, the government has initiated
this
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 move and has been able to get 40%of
such
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 businesses moved out of major
cities
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till
Change preposition
to
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 date.
Furthermore
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, manufacturing companies need substantial space to carry out their businesses which has led to a housing crisis in the
cities
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. A lot of migration of people has been observed in recent years
due to
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 a shortage of shelters. Promoting an industry to shift
instead
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 of its residents is a better choice as city living offers better employment opportunities and infrastructure to an individual.
Although
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, the convenience of finding labour and resources is beneficial in urban towns for producing goods but not at the cost of
pollution
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 and housing shortages. In conclusion, a geographical shift of a business from urban to rural
areas
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 is more advantageous in minimizing
pollution
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 levels in
cities
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 and making room for the construction of buildings to resolve the housing menace.

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task achievement
Consider providing additional examples or evidence to support your points more thoroughly, especially as this will enhance the perception of your arguments' strength.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to improve overall coherence and guide the reader through your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and well-defined arguments supporting the viewpoint, making it easy for the reader to understand your stance on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, summarizing your arguments effectively and framing the essay nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban congestion
  • housing crisis
  • economic development
  • job creation
  • operational expenses
  • transport infrastructure
  • quality of life
  • spacious living
  • cultural vibrancy
  • profitability
  • infrastructure challenges
  • commute times
  • air pollution
  • rural revitalization
  • local economy
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