IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #ability #form #relationships
New types of social
media
 deeply affect the living habits of
people
, it is an irreversible trend in society. Some
people
 argue
this
 trend only has a bad effect on youngsters while others do not agree. I will give my own explanations according to experience and knowledge. On the one hand, contacting each other immediately and keeping
messages
 safe. Compared to the past, we need to spend a lot of money and time to convey
messages
 to each other by
letters
Fix the agreement mistake
letter
show examples
 or
telephones
Fix the agreement mistake
telephone
show examples
.
However
, nowadays,
people
 use new types of applications or social platforms to leave
messages
 and do not worry about the
messages
 missing during the delivery.
Secondly
, making friends from different backgrounds and breaking through the boundaries of national
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
. Social
media
 works on the internet,
thus
people
 can get various news,
information
Correct word choice
and information
show examples
 and send
messages
 to other
people
.
This
 is a convenient way to get to know
people
 who are from other countries.
On the other hand
, other
people
 have the opposite opinion with the ideas above.
People
 become not good at socializing with other
people
 in real life. Because they get familiar with texting, not
talk
Wrong verb form
talking
show examples
 to
people
 by mouth. It makes
people
 like to hide back on mobile phones or
computer's
Change noun form
computer
show examples
 screens, so they are shy when communicating face to face.
Moreover
, communities prefer to talk to
people
 on social
media
 rather than talk to
people
 in real life.
For example
, in Taiwan,
this
 is a common phenomenon that young
people
 text each other, even if
people
 are just
next
 to them. Maybe it is a reason why young
people
 lose their ability to socialize. In conclusion, technology brings advantages and disadvantages to human society. It can change
people
 in a positive way but
also
 can go in a negative way, depending on how
people
 realize and how to use social
media
.
Submitted by m064611 on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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