IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many countries traditional foods are replaced by fast food. This has a negative impact on families, individuals and society. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #foods #food #impact #families #individuals #society
Nowadays, it is common that
people
prefer
Fix the infinitive
to prefer
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 fast
foods
 rather than traditional meals. From my perspective,
this
 trend
cases
Correct your spelling
causes
show examples
 a range of negative impacts on individuals, families and societies.
First
 of all, as we all know, fast
foods
 are made of ingredients, which
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
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a great deal of
Change the quantifier
a lot of
many
plenty of
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 salts, sugar, as well as fat.
People
, who are used to eating these desirable but unhealthy
foods
, are prone to getting
healthy
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health
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 problems,
such
 as obesity, high blood pressure and heart diseases. When the unhealthy proportion of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
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,
as a result
, it can cause a great burden on medical expenses on the whole society scale.
Secondly
,
this
 development
also
 can pose a threat to local traditional culture. Take China
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example, Chinese traditional
foods
 are
significant
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a significant
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 sign of our culture, many
people
 consider them as a
culture
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cultural
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 identity of China.
However
, more and more
people
, particularly
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation, are losing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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interest
of
Change preposition
in
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 cooking
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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 at home, because it takes more time on preparing and cooking and
need
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needs
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 years to get proficient.
Consequently
,
this
 trend can hinder the continuity of traditional
custom
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customs
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.
Lastly
, eating fast food case a negative influence on
Add an article
the relationship
a relationship
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relationship
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relationships
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 in families, because, family members have less time to get together.
For instance
, in China, preparing and eating dinners is an important opportunity for
people
 to stay together and share their experiences after a hard-working day. As Chinese
people
 eat more fast food, we are losing
this
 habit in families. In conclusion,
although
 fast
foods
 are convenient and popular, they obviously
case
Correct your spelling
cause
show examples
 many
seriously
Replace the word
serious
show examples
 negative impacts on individuals and societies.
Submitted by alexpan1027 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Impact
  • Nutritious
  • Cultural heritage
  • Identity
  • Economic implications
  • Locally sourced
  • Social cohesion
  • Environmental degradation
  • Obesity
  • Heart diseases
  • Diabetes
  • Cultural transmission
  • Convenience
  • Traditional dishes
  • Biodiversity
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